Landslide
by KBtheMD
Summary: Picks up beginning of Season 3 at an important time in Beckett's life.   Castle's back and complicating things more than she expected.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: ****I own nothing, it all belongs to ABC.**

"31," she thought, the warm water beating down her back as she stood in the shower.

It had snuck up on her this year. Cases had been pouring in over the summer and she hadn't even realized that August was over, Labor Day weekend upon her. Her birthday being in early September, it sometimes even managed to fall on Labor Day weekend itself. This year it was the Friday before, which was today.

Growing up, her mother had jokingly told Kate that the long weekend was especially in her honor, and even in to high school, Kate had always secretly liked to think of Labor Day as "her" holiday. But since her mother's death, Kate Beckett was not big on birthdays or any major celebrations for that matter, so she had hardly thought about the long weekend until now.

Kate had loved her birthday growing up- what kid didn't? But Kate loved her birthday, not for over-the-top parties with ponies or balloon-folding clowns, or even the gifts, but because she shared it with her mother. Her mother always said that Kate's arrival in the world on _her_ birthday was the best gift she had or ever would receive.

"Someone must have thought I needed a pick me up for the big 3-1," her mother had joked.

Now here Kate was, turning 31, and missing her mother more strongly than ever this year.

Kate had also loved their combined birthday because they had carried on a tradition where they each made the other a cake. It had been more of a chore when Kate was younger, because of course her mom ended up baking both cakes. God, how her mother could bake! Italian cream, German chocolate, white cake with fresh strawberry icing, chocolate with whipped cocoa cream icing- all from scratch.

"Never a store bought cake for my Katie," she would say.

As Kate got older, she became quite the accomplished baker, thanks to her mom's loving instruction, and "her little Katie Beth" soon made her mother's birthday cake all by herself. She remembered the all day cake-a-thons more than any presents.

Kate half-smiled as she reached down to turn off the water, the faucet squeaking in protest. The bathroom was a sea of fog and she opened the door to let the cool air in. The bathroom mirror revealed the reflection of her lean body as she stepped out of the shower. She stood there for a few seconds, dripping onto the tile floor, taking herself in. She liked her body and she knew that men found her attractive, but had never really considered herself a typical beauty. She always felt a little too tall, although that didn't keep her from wearing heels, and she wished her chest was a little better endowed.

Nonetheless, she couldn't help think, "Not bad for 31." She shook her head, quickly wrapping herself in a towel, modest even with no one else in the apartment.

She glanced at the clock as she made her way in her bedroom- 7:45.

"Shit," she said to the empty room. "I'll never be ready on time."

She cursed again under her breath as she rifled through the clothes in her closet, looking for her navy pant suit. She was testifying in court today on a case from almost 9 months ago, and she knew Judge Haney did not appreciate people walking into his courtroom late. As she searched, she pushed back to the rear of her closet to reveal a flash of crimson red.

She felt a lump in her throat and took a deep breath as she realized it was the gown that _he_ had given her to wear to the charity event on the stolen jewelry case. Her mind flashed back to that night and their dancing, how his hand had felt on her hip, how he had jokingly dipped her on the dance floor… how her heart had never beat faster in her life just from dancing with a man… Damn! And she had been doing so well too, not thinking about him for the last few weeks.

"Why, why, why are you thinking about him? He left. With her. Without you."

He hadn't called… although, why would he? He thought she was with someone else. _She_ had turned him down. _She_ had been the one that had so diligently maintained the fence around her heart all this time, only to have him stroll on by when the gate had finally been open to him.

She thought the hurt and anger were over, it had been nearly 4 months for heaven's sake. She hadn't even admitted to herself that she even had true feelings for him until just before he left! But from day one, Kate had known that there was always something percolating just beneath the surface of her façade of eye rolls, annoyed expressions, and exasperated comebacks. This "thing" with him sometimes bubbled up when she least expected it- the _Heat Wave_ premiere party when she had read the dedication, when she overheard the conversations he had on the phone with his daughter while at the precinct, and, of course, any and every time he managed to wander into her personal space- those times were the worst… or maybe, the best? Damn.

She had put on a brave face immediately after he left for the Hamptons, stayed for a few minutes with Lanie and the others to say goodnight, and then quickly excused herself, saying she had somewhere else to be. But she knew they knew. She could feel their eyes as they had watched her, watching him, walk away. She knew they had seen the legion of tears that she had thankfully managed to keep at bay until a few hours later when they, with the help of their friend, Mr. Pinot Noir, had ambushed her and her not-so-waterproof mascara. When Lanie had stopped by later that night to check on her, she told Kate she looked "like a drowned raccoon", a description that had earned at least an inkling of a laugh from the detective.

That had been it though, no more tears and no more mention of him by Kate or anyone else at the precinct since he left. She didn't even think his name had passed her lips once in the 4 months since he'd been gone, a fact that seemed surprisingly sad to Kate as she stared at the dress. That didn't mean she hadn't thought about him a little, okay _a lot_, more often than she should have. It was usually at the end of the day when she was doing paperwork and she would take a few minutes to just… be.

Her mind would relax, put its guard down for a few moments and- bam! His eyes would just appear- those _eyes_- so blue, endless in depth and understanding. Sometimes she would catch herself almost smiling, just at the thought of his eyes. And then, her own eyes would inevitably wander to the vacant chair to the left of the desk, _his _chair. When had it become _his? _A few weeks into June, she had decided the chair had to go, a necessary sacrifice so that she could feel like she was moving on. Next, had been the candy dish that he always kept stocked with Skittles. She didn't even _like_ fruity candy that much anyway. Finally, she had unclipped the "endless" paperclip chain he worked on every time he got the least bit bored. Her mind slipped back to a few weeks before he left…

"Beckett?" he half-whispered.

"Hmm…?" she said without looking up from the file in front of her.

"Guess how many?"

She sighed. "Guess how many _what_?" Her chair turned now to face him.

An all too familiar mischievous grin crept across his face as he reached to hold the paperclip chain up for her to see. He had attached one end to the far desk at the end of the bullpen and it stretched some 40 feet to her desk.

"Paperclips!" he said as if it was obvious.

"Don't have time for this! Working here!" she said, a sing-song quality to her voice.

"How 'bout this- if you guess correctly, plus/minus 20, I'll give it to you… and I'll buy you dinner," he offered.

"What on earth am I going to do with a paperclip chain, huh?"

"Well, you seem to always have an endless amount of paperwork, so you need an 'endless' paperclip chain!"

"It's not endless. It has ends- two in fact. " She said succinctly before starting to turn back to her file. As she looked away, she had seen the smile leave his face, and instinctively rolled her eyes and returned to meet his gaze.

"Plus/minus 20- dinner?"

"And you get the chain!"

"Oh, yes. How could I forget that part of the bargain," she said dryly.

Her green eyes focused intently on the chain, quickly trying to do the math in her head. Even if this was a mindless exercise, her competitive bone was not easily subdued.

"750."

"Final answer?" he said.

"Jesus! Yes, final answer," she said with exasperation.

He had paused for dramatic effect, just for a second, and she had seen the playfulness in his eyes and she couldn't suppress a smile at him as she leaned her chin on her hand in anticipation of the answer. Even if he was annoying as hell sometimes, he was so damn fun to have around. She had also felt warmth for him in that split second, a warmth that Beckett knew she reserved only for those few who managed to earn her trust and friendship, which, unbeknownst to her until that moment, he had. She remembered feeling a bit surprised at the time, but it was not an unwelcome feeling and her smile had grown at the realization.

"Ding, ding, ding, ding! We have a winner, ladies and gentlemen! Detective Beckett, where would you like to go to dinner tonight?" he said with his best game show host voice.

"I'll have to take a rain check I'm afraid. Too much 'endless' paperwork…"

He had never made good on that rain check. She had always had some excuse- work, Tom, or… work. The funny thing was, when she had finally undone all the paperclips weeks later, she realized she hadn't even been close with her guess. It had been around 500- she had taken the time to count.

And life had continued, _she_ had continued- doing what she did best- solving murder cases with professionalism and honor, in reverence to the victims' families. No more tears or thoughts of him.

Until now. Maybe it was the emotions that had been drudged up while thinking of her mother earlier, or that she hadn't gotten over him despite her best housecleaning efforts, but whatever it was, she felt the burn in the back of her throat and nose that always preceded tears. No. She wasn't about to cry when she had court in less than an hour. No sir, she would _not _arrive late _and _puffy-eyed to court- the defense attorney would eat her alive. Her eyelids fell shut for mere seconds, regaining control as she always did. She drew in a breath and pushed past the dress, making a mental note to get rid of it, and finally located the suit she had been looking for all along, yanking it with more force than it deserved from the closet.

A touch of make-up, a quick blow dry, half a cup of coffee, and 20 minutes later, she was out the door. She had swung by the precinct to pick up some notes related to her testimony, and would have been on time had it not been for the parking near the courthouse. Even with her police vehicle, she had been forced to park 6 blocks away and therefore testimony had already begun when she arrived. Luckily, she knew she would not be on the stand first this morning- that short straw had been drawn by Esposito.

She debated with herself about just waiting outside until she was summoned, but decided she sort of wanted to see Esposito-to-cool-for-school squirm a little on the stand. He hated testifying, although she didn't quite know why because he always did a great job. Kate, on the other hand, didn't mind going in front of judge and jury, somehow she actually looked forward to it. Going to court gave her a little piece of the elusive closure she could never have for herself. Although no amount of testifying in the world would ever give her all the pieces, Kate felt she owed it to the families of the victims to get up on the stand and hopefully contribute to the conviction of the scum that had taken away their loved ones.

The heavy wooden doors were closed, and she opened one slowly, hoping not to draw any attention as she entered the room. Esposito was on the stand and was just finishing taking the oath.

"Good. I haven't missed anything," she thought. She quickly maneuvered to her right and into the back row in the first empty seat.

The judge hadn't even looked up. "Is he even awake?" she joked to herself as she leaned back in her seat and turned to put her purse in the chair next to her.

That's when she felt a hand squeeze her shoulder closest to the aisle and an all-too-familiar male voice asked, "Were you saving that seat for me? How nice of you, Detective Beckett!"

She didn't need to look up, she knew from his tone that he was smiling down at her, and she felt her heart flutter a bit before her eyes made their way up to the hand, still resting lightly on her shoulder, and then to the arm, and finally to the man …

"Castle?"

31 was definitely not starting off the way Kate Beckett had expected.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and hope to hear some feedback! Any suggestions would be appreciated.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Again, not mine, it's all ABC's!**

"Castle?"

His name hung on her lips, feeling foreign and familiar at the same time. What was he _doing_ here?

"Scoot," he whispered, motioning for her to move over as he practically sat down on top of her.

"Uhh…" was all she could get out before she felt her body shifting to the adjoining seat.

He settled in next to her, his forearm resting on the shared arm rest between them, brushing against her elbow unconsciously. Kate immediately pulled her arm back as if she had been shocked, and her hands came together clasped in her lap. She looked straight ahead at Esposito on the stand, pretending to concentrate on his testimony.

Her abrupt movement drew a look from Castle as he stared at her profile, trying to read her face. He felt that he must have gotten out of practice in the last couple of months because he thought he saw uncertainty sprinkled with a bit of nervousness, emotions not usually worn by Kate Beckett. The only time he recalled seeing this look on her for any sustained period of time was during the Coonan case. She wore a similar face now as the one she had all those months ago, standing outside the interrogation room, just before she questioned the son-of-a-bitch that she would later find out was her mother's killer. He guessed she was just feeling anxious about testifying.

This was the murder trial of Theodore Murphy. He was none other than "Uncle Teddy", the accused murderer of Kyra Blaine's bridesmaid. Castle had taken a special interest in this case not only because his ex-girlfriend happened to be the bride, but also because he was planning to incorporate a courtroom scene in his next Nikki Heat novel. When he had seen the case was set for trial this week, he figured now would be as good a time as any to actually sit in on a case. Plus, he had finally finished _Naked Heat_ and was ready to be back in the City.

Castle hadn't expected that he would see Beckett in court today. When the district attorney decided to have members of law enforcement testify was random as best he could tell. He had thought about her often over the summer though, always telling himself it was for the book. Castle's familiar internal monologue usually started with: "What would Beckett do?"

Then came, "What would Beckett say?"

Often followed by, "What would Beckett wear?"

And next, "What is Kate doing, thinking… wearing?"

He knew it was a slippery slope when he started calling Beckett 'Kate' in his head because a wave of emotion would come out of nowhere and make his hand reach for the phone to call her. But, if thinking about Kate was a slippery slope, calling her would be a slippery, icy slope on skates with blades coated in motor oil. He was technically "with" Gina, although things with her had been strained for the last few weeks with the book deadline looming. Recently, he had even taken to sleeping in the guest room, or just staying up and working on the book in his study. Nevertheless, he did feel a little guilty thinking about Kate as much as he did. He also assumed Kate was still with Demming, something he consciously tried _not _to think about because it inevitably gave him a severe case of writer's block. So, for maybe the first time in his life when it came to women, he had made an effort to "do the right thing" by not acting on his impulses and calling her. But the daydreaming about her… well, Castle rationalized that if he kept those PG-13 rated, then it was not really cheating.

Seeing Kate now though, in the flesh (which Castle realized was soooo much better than his fantasies, by the way), and finally being next to her again felt so… right. A rush of happiness overcame him.

"So, how've you been, Beckett? How was your summer?" Castle said eagerly, but in a hushed tone so as not to draw attention to the back of the courtroom.

Kate's mind was racing. Why would he be back, sitting by her side again, on today of all days? Her only real news of Castle over the summer had come while flipping through the Sunday paper several weeks ago, an old stock photo of Castle causing her to pause. It was a short article in the entertainment section reporting that famed novelist Richard Castle was close to finishing his second Nikki Heat book and would be expected to return to the city sometime mid-September. The article had gone on to allude to the fact that the author had spent the entire summer "working" with his ex-wife and publisher, which is when Kate had decided to stop reading. But even if he had finished up the book early, why was he here in court? Surely the DA didn't plan on putting him on the stand?

"Ugh, do not let him distract you, Kate," she said to herself, feeling more annoyed at herself than Castle.

"Fine. And fine," she answered more shortly, and more loudly, than she had intended.

At the sound of her voice, Esposito's gaze was diverted to Beckett and Castle in the back row. Esposito paused in mid-sentence at the sight of Castle and he briefly tried to gauge Beckett's expression, which was strained. He quickly refocused and continued with his testimony.

Castle couldn't help himself; he had been _so_ good all summer.

He leaned in towards Kate and said teasingly, "You look more than 'fine' to me with the new long hairstyle."

Kate bit the inside of her bottom lip and closed her eyes, appalled and amused at the same time.

"Same ol' Castle," she thought to herself.

Before she could respond, he continued, leaning in closer and whispering, "Hey, do you think that judge is awake? I mean, look at him all slouched over. I never knew Esposito had that effect on people! He's practically snoring…"

Kate turned to suggest that he keep it down, and found herself staring right into those eyes that had haunted her all summer. He stared directly back at her, gaze unwavering. Both of their mouths hung open, words stuck in mid-breath, when they heard the DA's voice.

"The State will now call Detective Katherine Beckett to the stand."

**A/N: This one's alot shorter-it's harder to write Castle than Beckett! Hope he's somewhat in character. Not sure if we'll see Beckett testify or not, and I promise it's going to move faster after this. Feels a bit slow to me but I wanted to sort of get Castle's perspective of the summer too. Please review and thanks so much for all the story alerts and faves! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry that it's taken so long to get this up. I've had most of it written for awhile, but couldn't get the end where I wanted it. I'm reasonably satisfied now (I think). I decided to start using italics for the characters' thoughts in this chapter. Hope it's not confusing. Thanks for all the story alerts and reviews! Any suggestions are appreciated. **

**Once again, all these lovely characters aren't mine.**

Kate heard her name announced, but for a few seconds she couldn't seem to make her body move to stand. Her heart was racing and she felt a rush of panic and pure excitement as she willed her eyes to break away from his. Castle smiled as he realized the effect he had on her. He couldn't help it. He had really, really missed her. Castle made the first move, and stood to allow her to make her way to the stand.

Kate finally regained function of her legs and started to move past him, but he grabbed her elbow gently, pulling her in just close enough so that only she could hear his next words, "I'll wait for you."

She felt his hand release her, brushing her forearm lightly as he dropped his hand to his side. She felt the pure electric feel on her skin where he had touched her, and relished in the sensation as it coursed its way to a much deeper level.

_Holy hell. Why, why does he have this effect on me? _

She then realized getting upset about it only made the sensation stronger, so she concentrated on breathing evenly as she finally made her way out into the aisle, continuing toward the stand, all the time avoiding Castle's eyes which were fixed to her.

_God, she is sexy. _

A small smile crept to his lips. He had smiled more in the last 5 minutes just _sitting_ next to her than he had all summer. That made his smile grow even more.

_Smiling 'cause she makes me smile._

As he retook his seat, Castle let out a sigh as he realized that, despite his best efforts to move past this woman and the emotions that had developed over the last 2 years of their unlikely partnership, he was quite simply addicted to the way he felt around her. He also knew that he wanted to make _her _smile the way he was right now. In that moment he was certain of one thing. Selfish or not, he, Richard Castle, wanted to make Katherine Beckett happy, not simply see her happy with someone else.

His intoxicated state was interrupted as he felt his phone vibrate once in his pocket. He silently cursed, knowing it was probably Gina, texting him about lunch plans. _Gina! Damn. _And he couldn't forget about Demming. _Double damn._ Castle sighed again, this time in frustration, knowing his life was becoming a lot more complicated than he had ever imagined.

_What the hell just happened?_ Kate walked up the aisle and passed Esposito as he made his way to the back of the courtroom. He caught her eye for a split second, and gave her a look of concern that only she would recognize. Beckett gave a forced half smile with a raise of her eyebrows, but continued with her brisk gate towards the stand.

With Esposito's knowing look, Kate felt the conflict that had been hibernating within her suddenly emerge and take control of her thoughts.

_I cannot, no, will not do this to myself again. It doesn't matter what I want anymore. I turned him down. He made his choice to go with her. He's with his ex-wife for Christ's sake! I can't do this. No more thinking about him in that way. And if he comes back to the precinct, I will be professional. Yes, professional! _

She closed her eyes in frustration._ Yeah. Right. Because I'm being so 'professional' right now, thinking about how completely unbelievable he looks with that tan, while I raise my hand to take an oath to tell the truth in a murder case._

The truth. Huh. Now _that_ was something else Kate had debated with herself about over the long summer. Would she have been truthful with herself or Castle about her feelings for him? Kate had thought she would have been able to tell him the truth. The truth wasn't that she was in love with him, not yet anyway. But she did have deeper, romantic feelings for him and she did want to see if there was potential for their relationship to go to the next level. Deep down, though, Kate really didn't know what she would have said had Gina not swooped in and interrupted. Would she actually have been able to tell Castle how she felt?

"No," she whispered under her breath subconsciously.

"Excuse me, did you say something?" the clerk said.

"Oh, no…sorry. I mean… yes, I swear to tell the truth." For once, Kate truly hoped that she would keep herself to that.

As Esposito made it to the back and approached the row where the author was seated, Castle half-stood and started to smile, but Esposito's expression quickly managed to squash any pleasant emotions that Castle had felt only moments before. Castle had only seen this look on Esposito's face a handful of times in the past, and all those times it had kind of scared him. Now that this display was directed towards _him_, Castle was kind of terrified.

_Whatever I did, this is not going to be good._

Esposito motioned with an almost imperceptible nod of his head for Castle to follow him outside the double doors. Castle suddenly felt like he was on the playground again when he was 8 years old, with the school bully telling him to follow him behind the gym where the teachers wouldn't see the beat down that was about to take place. He had known the bully was going to take his lunch money, but then again he couldn't _not _follow him or there would be even more hell to pay. Reluctantly, Castle stole one more look at Beckett up on the stand before he followed Esposito outside the courtroom.

_Well, at least Esposito won't beat me up. Especially not in a court house, right?_

However, as Esposito turned to face him, Castle suddenly became hyperaware of the male detective's compact muscular build and Castle felt his forehead beginning to sweat.

Castle gulped.

"I'm only gonna say this once, so listen closely," Esposito said in a low, even tone as he paced a little in front of the writer. "First off, you don't breath even a whisper of this conversation to Beckett or I swear you'll be _dictating_ your future novels instead of typing 'em.

Castle simply nodded, instinctively taking half a step back.

Esposito continued, "You must be either completely _clueless_ or completely _cruel_ to show up here like this after not calling all summer."

"Uhh… " Castle stammered, "I'm gonna go with 'clueless'. You know, I always loved that movie. Thought Alicia Silverstone was…" Castle half-laughed with a weak smile, trying to interject a little humor.

Esposito stopped and took one giant stride, arriving inches from Castle's face, looking him dead in the eye as if to say "not funny".

"Sorry! Sorry! I guess I'm… I'm a bit confused as to why you look like you want to go all-_Stiletto_ on me right now," Castle said nervously.

Esposito shook his head in disbelief. "Really? Come on, dude! Your going away party? Ringin' any bells up there?" Esposito said, simultaneously thumping Castle on the side of the head with a little too much force.

"Whoa! Hey, no need to get physical!" Castle said rubbing the side of his head in mock-pain. _Going away party?_ Castle racked his brain trying to remember if he had said something to offend Esposito the last time he'd seen him.

"Look, I didn't call because, well… " Castle paused thinking about his self-imposed Beckett-abstinence over the summer. "Okay, yea, I should've called you ."

Esposito shook his head in a nod of agreement and said, "I mean, we go from seeing you almost every day, sharing some pretty intense shit, and it's like you just drop off the face of the mother freakin' Earth? "

Castle's face fell. He knew Esposito was right. After all, he had called Castle his other "partner" and they had played poker together plenty of times, shared stories and laughs. He considered both Esposito and Ryan friends and he had let his internal issues with Beckett get in the way.

Esposito softened a little at the sight of Castle's face.

"But I'm not talking about me and Ryan here. I mean, mainly we missed the free beer at your poker parties," he said lightening up a bit. "Still, an email or text would've been cool."

"Sorry, man. I know it's a poor excuse, but I guess I got caught up in finishing the book," Castle replied.

"But, hey, I'm just gonna tell you straight up, I'm mostly upset because you didn't call our girl. You _at least_ should have contacted her," Esposito said matter-of-factly.

Castle took a moment to process what Esposito had just said. _Beckett? What was Esposito saying? Was Beckett also upset with him? _He supposed she could be upset, you know, as a friend or partner, just like Esposito. But, what if she was upset for other reasons? Had she missed him maybe?

"I mean, I was going to call her, but I figured that it would be a little awkward since she is with Demming. You know, don't want to step on anyone's toes," Castle confessed.

"Ha! 'Step on anyone's toes'? Since when have _you_ worried about that?" Esposito laughed now. "Well, you won't have to use that excuse 'cause she…"

The end of his sentence was cut off by the double doors of the courtroom swinging open and Beckett exiting. Castle had been standing just on the other side of the door which caused her to bump into his back, knocking she and Castle off balance, and sending her file folder with all its papers flying in every direction.

Beckett looked at the papers strewn at her feet and then at the man she had just bowled over who had already begun gathering the papers.

_Great. He's been back all of 30 minutes and he's already causing chaos in my life._

She crouched next to him as he handed her a stack of papers that were facing in all directions. Castle surveyed the remaining sheets on the ground which Esposito was retrieving, then turned to Beckett with a sheepish grin.

"Um, so I hope these were numbered, else Ryan's going to have one hell of an afternoon collating."

Beckett rolled her eyes, but couldn't stifle the smile that tickled her lips.

_Really? _She tilted her head back shaking it ever so slightly, appealing to whatever higher being had decided that _this_ was what she deserved on her birthday. She sighed and decided to accept this "gift", for now.

"Welcome back, Castle."

**In case you didn't get the reference, Stana Katic was in the movie _Stiletto _where she goes on a killing spree to avenge her sister's kidnapping (very violent, but kinda fun to see Stana on the other side of the law). Also, we will finally get out of the court house in the next chapter, I promise!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the story alerts and favorites! I am so humbled! Well, this has gone through lots of rewrites, hard to get inside their heads, but I think I'm good with it. Next chapter is almost done too, so should see it up soon! Enjoy.**

**I don't own it, but I still have fun with it.**

'_Welcome back, Castle'_?

Had he heard her correctly? _Does that mean that we're cool, that she wants me to continue to work with her?_ He knew he was being more than optimistic based on the warm 'welcome' he had just received from Esposito.

"I'll see you back at the precinct," Beckett said to Esposito and then turned, walking towards the elevator banks across the atrium.

_Should I follow her? I mean, she didn't say she'd see me at the precinct, so maybe not? _

Castle watched, still kneeling on the ground, as she walked briskly away from them, her hair cascading softly past her shoulders, swaying side to side paralleling the movement of her hips. Yes, he definitely could get used to this new Beckett-do.

Castle stood, eyes set on her figure, and was startled as Esposito's head came into his line of vision a few feet away.

Esposito smiled slightly. He debated briefly whether he should continue his conversation with Castle and divulge the fact that Beckett and Demming were no longer together, but he quickly decided against it. _Nah, let him figure it out. _In Esposito's opinion, these two needed to work on their communication skills. That, and just 'do it' already.

"Later, bro." His smile then evaporated as he made the universal "I'm watching you" sign with his index and middle finger in a 'V' pointed first at his own eyes, and then at Castle, at the same time mumbling a few words in Spanish for good measure.

Castle gulped as Esposito turned, whistling as he walked to the stairwell.

Castle jumped a little as he felt his pocket vibrate again. He fished the phone out as he stood, following Kate's path. He opened the phone to find 2 missed text messages. _Both from Gina. Damn. _

"Are we still on for lunch? Call me when you get this," read the first. He scrolled down.

"So, not answering your messages today, or just the ones from me? Early lunch? Y/N/don't care?"

_Great, she's pissed. What else is new? Why are women so infuriating? _

Kate approached the elevators. She knew he wouldn't be far behind and she also knew that they still needed to talk. Did she mean what she said: _'Welcome back, Castle'_? _Welcome back to what? Welcome back to New York? To work at the precinct? To my life?_ Pushing the down button, she smirked as the little voice in her head that always reminded her of Lanie after a few hits from a helium balloon quipped, "_Let's be honest, Kate, aren't work and your life one-in-the-same the last few months?" _So true.

She supposed it would be _kind of_ nice to have Castle back at the precinct, if only to make her work-life hybrid more bearable. But would it be worth it to have him there and be forced to have the inevitable conversations about him and Gina or whatever chick-of-the-week he was pursuing? He never could keep his mouth shut when it came to women he was interested in or sleeping with: Ellie Munroe, Bachelorette #3, his Deep Fried Twinkie ex-wife… And another thing, would he have called her had they not bumped into each other today? The repressed anger of the last 4 months was beginning to nip at her brain again.

"Beckett?"

She heard his voice behind her, but didn't turn.

"What, Castle?" she snapped. _Deep breaths._

_Yep, definitely pissed_. He took a step closer, so he stood directly behind her. She swore she could feel his breath on her hair, and it smelled of cinnamon.

"I wanted to see if it was okay if I stopped by the precinct later this afternoon, and now that I'm back in town… if we can continue our, eh, 'arrangement' at work," his voice then trailed off as he said, "And… well, I missed you." _You have no idea how much._

She had reached to push the elevator call button again, but her hand stopped in mid-air and fell to her side as she heard spoken what her heart had been feeling all these months. She closed her eyes, willing herself to regain control of her emotions for what seemed like the hundredth time today.

_How does he always manage to do this?_ _I'm mad as hell at him one minute and then he goes and says something like that and makes me have all these… feelings! Ugh, how infuriating is that! _She turned to face him. From the tone of his voice, she had expected him to have his eyes diverted, maybe looking at the floor. Instead, he stared directly into her, gaze unwavering.

_God, his eyes. _

He had never looked at her so intently before. There was something almost primal within them that suddenly caused Kate to become very aware of two things: One- her breathing, which had quickened, and, two- the fact that she was wearing lacy thong underwear. As she deepened her stare, she also saw hurt and confusion in his eyes, all too familiar emotions that she herself had worn when Gina had shown up at the precinct. Except, unlike her, Castle wasn't trying to hide them.

Kate was not a vengeful person and she didn't want to hurt him. All she wanted was for this 'thing' between them to be _normal _again. Whatever that meant. All these emotions that Castle engendered in her- frustration, longing, happiness, confusion, regret, not to mention this apparent physical effect he had on her- she felt as if they were crashing down on her one after the other, and it was almost too much to take, especially today. On the other hand, she couldn't avoid him forever. He was back and asking her permission to work with her again, and by extension be an integral part of her life. Kate knew she had to make a decision, if for no other reason than she could finally feel in control again.

Plus, seeing him now, she knew she missed him too. She missed working with him on cases, missed his humor, hell, even missed his stupid staring marathons when she did her paperwork. The prospect of a replay of the last few months without him caused her to have a lump in her throat. Could she work with him in a professional capacity, be okay with that, and nothing more if that's what he wanted? _Of course I can_. _I've done it until now._ Although judging by the new heat that swirled inside of her, she knew it could be a challenge.

"Before I answer you, I need to ask you something," she said, finally breaking his gaze.

"Anything," he answered softly.

_What if she said 'no'? _

Until this moment he had not really thought about what his life would look like without her a part of it in some way. Castle was suddenly very thirsty as this thought threatened to send him into a panic attack. He ached to touch her in some way, to _show_ her how much he had really thought about her and how important she had become to him.

"Why did you stop bringing me coffee?"

Castle blinked. _That's her question?_ Of course, it was more than the coffee she was asking about, he knew that. He racked his brain. Had she really noticed that he stopped bringing her coffee? It was true, ever since the beginning of their partnership, he almost always brought her coffee first thing in the morning. But then there was Tom Demming. There had been that particular morning last spring when he had shown up at the bullpen, only to find that Demming had now taken over the responsibility of bringing her first morning cup, among other things. He remembered that it had stung, a lot, seeing her sipping coffee and laughing with him. But Castle didn't think she had noticed, let alone cared, when he stopped bringing it. Why would she?

"Um, well, I guess because Demming and you had gotten together and I thought it wasn't my place if he was going to bring you coffee, him being your boyfriend and all. Funny, I didn't think you noticed," he paused briefly, and then continued as a river of emotion flowed from his lips, "And so you know, same goes for why I didn't contact you this summer. It's wasn't because I don't care about you, quite the opposite in fact."

Kate felt her breath hitch as her chest tightened. She considered his answer. _What did he mean by 'care about you'? _Of course she knew he cared for her, just as she did for him. They had become friends, after all. She immediately tried to dismiss the other connotation those words might possess. _After all, he's with Gina, right? _

And Demming? _Wow. _She had not expected him to be so upfront and just say it like that. Sure, she had sensed Castle was a little jealous of him on a professional level when Tom worked with her on those cases. She also knew that it was a bit awkward for Castle to see them working together knowing that they were dating, but that Castle would admit that he was trying not to overstep, she was taken aback.

"Oh," was all she could manage. Another thought crossed her mind. _He still thinks I'm with Demming_.

The elevator dinged its arrival. They both got on, standing next to each other facing the doors. They were alone.

**Okay, so kind of a tease at the end, didn't mean for it to be. This and the next chapter were originally combined, but it was too long, so I split it here. So don't get any ideas, they're just talking... for now. Please review, it makes me happy and helps get the creative juices going! -KB**


	5. Chapter 5

Castle felt his heart beating wildly, palms sweating. It took all of his will power not to pull the stop button and kiss her then and there. She needed a good kiss if you asked him, and he was just the guy to do it. But he wasn't going to jeopardize anything at this point by acting so brashly. Although, glancing at her hip, he noticed she didn't have her gun… _so she wouldn't be able to shoot me…_

Kate snuck a sideways glance at her partner and a flicker of a smile crossed her face. He was nervous. _Probably nervous that I won't take him back. _She pondered what to say next.

_Well, if he's going to be honest, I can be too. He'll find out soon enough anyway back at the precinct. _

"Well, just so _you_ know, Tom and I aren't together anymore," she said matter-of-factly, breaking the silence. Well, it was a half-truth. She still wasn't going to tell him _when _she had ended it or her underlying motivations.

Castle fought hard to keep from smiling at this revelation.

"So, they'll be no excuse for not bringing me coffee next week?" she said, feigning seriousness. "You remember how I like it?"

"Of course," he answered, playing along and allowing himself to smile now that the mood had lightened and she had indirectly said 'yes' to him coming back to work with her.

"Sugar-free non-fat vanilla latte, 2 pumps, or have your tastes changed?"

"No, that's right. Oh, and don't forget the bear claw," she added, smiling more freely now too at the ease with which they slipped back into a playful banter. _See, we can do this._

The elevator doors opened and they made their way to the building exit, stepping into the bright daylight. He grabbed her forearm lightly turning her to face him. He was amazed at the softness of her skin, and the fact that she didn't resist his grasp.

Kate felt his hand on her arm and immediately her brain told her to pull away, but her treacherous body had other ideas and she stepped a bit closer to him instead.

"So, do you want to grab a bite to eat on the way back… " he began, his hand sliding to where her wrist met her palm leaving a trail of goose bumps along the way.

He then felt his phone vibrating in the other hand. The caller ID said 'Home'.

"Sorry, this is probably Alexis," he said dropping her wrist abruptly.

"No, no, go ahead," Kate said instinctively rubbing her arm where his touch had been. _Okay, so this may be harder than I thought._

"Hey, honey…" Castle answered.

"Don't 'honey' me, Richard Castle," snapped a less-than-happy woman's voice on the other end.

"Gina? What are you doing at my place?" Castle asked.

At the sound of her name, Kate couldn't help but stiffen a little. She chastised herself immediately. _Can't react every time you hear her name._ _Guess that answers that question- still with Gina. Although he did seem kind of surprised she was calling from his loft. Maybe a little trouble in paradise?_

Castle turned and walked a few feet from where Kate stood. She couldn't hear the rest of the short conversation over the noise of the New York City traffic. A few minutes later, Castle turned back to her, looking annoyed.

"Sorry about that. I've got to meet Gina. The book launch party is in a couple of weeks and we need to go over a few things, even though she almost never listens to my suggestions anyway. So, I guess lunch is out and I probably won't make it by the precinct later either."

"I understand. I need to get back anyway, so I'll see you . . . next week I guess?" Kate said, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.

Castle was disappointed too. He couldn't stand the idea of not seeing her before next week.

"Well, how about, maybe… dinner tonight? I still owe you from the 'endless' paperclip chain… remember?" Castle said with a knowing smile, the kind usually reserved for lovers sharing a cherished memory.

Kate couldn't help but mimic his smile and nod her head. She couldn't believe he remembered the silly bet! Her heart warmed too as she recalled how he had intentionally thrown the bet just to have an excuse to share a meal with her after a hard day. She supposed he was sort of amazing when he wanted to be. She hesitated briefly. _I guess technically since he thinks I believe that I won, he still owes me… so it's not a date or anything. _She found her mouth opening to say 'yes', but then stopped herself.

Tonight? In all the emotions of the day, she had almost forgotten. Lanie was having a few people over to her place for a 'not-a-birthday-party' party in her honor. Kate hadn't been too keen on the idea at first. She much preferred to simply order in from her favorite Thai restaurant, open a good bottle of wine, and pop an old Cary Grant movie in her DVD player. But Lanie had argued with her that she was being ridiculous. _Girl, you are not an old maid, so stop acting like one. _

They had ultimately compromised by agreeing to keep it to close friends from the precinct, and that there would be no birthday paraphernalia, and especially no gifts or cake. Lanie had called her a 'party pooper', but was glad her friend wouldn't be spending the night alone at least. Kate knew Lanie was aware that birthdays were always difficult for her, especially this year.

Before Kate realized it, she heard herself say, "Actually, Lanie's having a get together tonight at her place for Labor Day and… it's my birthday. You should come… bring Gina."

_What the F! Did I really just invite him AND GINA to the party?_ _What is wrong with me?_

"It's your birthday? Today? Why didn't you tell me?" Castle exclaimed, eyes twinkling in the sunlight.

She saw his expression and new it all too well. It was a look of sheer child-like joy, the same as when they were building murder theory together.

_Great. He looks waaaay too excited by this information_.

"Uh, I just did tell you, Castle. And it is _not _a birthday party, so don't get any ideas," Kate warned.

"But it's a party and it's on your _birthday_!"

"Castle, I'm serious. If you bring crazy hats or noise makers…"

"What about ponies?" he poked.

_Man, I missed pushing her buttons. She looks so adorable when she's mad, especially when she's mad at me._

"Castle!" Kate tried to muster her best glare, but her green eyes betrayed her, smiling because she really hoped he would come, even if he did bring Gina.

"Kidding! You're right. Lanie wouldn't appreciate a pony in her apartment, too messy. Although, I do know this guy who has a miniature pony that is house-trained! It's the size of a potbelly pig. How crazy is that?"

Kate rolled her eyes in mock disapproval. "As I recall, 'you' plus 'horses' are a bad combination," she replied, referring to his past antics involving a police horse, springtime, and Castle au natural.

"I dunno… could be a _good_ combination, depending on what you're looking for…" his voice throaty, emphasizing the sexual innuendo.

Kate turned her head slightly so he couldn't see her face as she felt a warmth spread from her cheeks and descend to her collarbone.

"So I'll tell Lanie to expect you… and Gina? 7:30, okay?"

Castle hesitated a moment. Gina. Hmm. He was pretty sure she would have made other plans for them tonight seeing how it was the Friday before the long holiday weekend. Of course, she would also have neglected to tell him about said plans. That had become somewhat of a pattern over the summer, her committing him to various events without checking with him first. It had grown out of her doing this as his publisher, which had annoyed him plenty over the years. But as his girlfriend, well, it had become downright unacceptable. It had been one of the main reasons they had been arguing lately.

_Screw Gina's plans._ He wasn't going to miss Beckett's birthday.

"7:30 it is. Until tonight, Detective. And don't worry. I'll be on my _best _behavior," he said mischievously.

Beckett shook her head with a smile and started towards her car.

_Oh, Castle. _Tonight would be interesting to say the least.

**A/N: Thank you again to everyone who is reading and the great responses I've gotten to this. So, we'll definitely be getting to the b-day party soon, but I think there are some loose ends to tie up with Gina first. A****ny thoughts about a Gina-appearance at the party? **

**Oh, and for those wondering, in my Castleverse, there is no Josh (yeah!). It's hard enough untangling one significant other from this situation :)**** Once again, any reviews are appreciated! -KB**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I know it's been FOREVER since I updated, but I've been working on other FF and this got put on the back burner. This chapter is mostly plot advancement and a little Castle-Alexis moment. There will be Caskett to come soon, I've planned out the next few chapters so hopefully not as long for the next update! Thanks for reading and enjoy...**

Castle exited the elevator and walked slowly towards the door to his loft. Gina had told him just to meet her at his place so they could discuss the book launch party arrangements. He was surprised at how much he was actually dreading seeing her. He unlocked the door and opened the door to see Gina sitting on a barstool in the kitchen area.

"Finally," Gina said, annoyance dripping from the word. She glanced down at her watch. "It's been over an hour, Richard. I thought you were at the court house. That's less than 6 blocks from here. What have you been doing?"

Castle sighed. He was tired of fighting with her, but he had been avoiding the inevitable conversation about their constant bickering up to this point for the sake of their working relationship and the new book. He had reasoned that if he could just get through the next few weeks or so, the stress level would be lower and he could gauge better whether this thing with Gina was salvageable. That was of course, until today. Until he had seen Kate. Castle knew he had to extricate himself from this complicated relationship with Gina before it jeopardized his work with her as his publisher.

"Yea, I took a walk. I needed to think about some things," he said standing across from her in the kitchen side of the bar.

Gina barely heard him as she started pulling out papers from her bag and flipping through them on the counter. Castle shook his head, walking to the refrigerator and grabbing a beer. Gina looked up at the sound of the metal beer cap clinking on the counter top as he opened it.

"Really, Richard? A beer? It's barely noon. We have work to do. After this, I've got another appointment at 2:30 and I still need to go by my place and change before the Corrigan Gallery party tonight. You didn't forget about it did you?"

_So typical._

Castle shook his head and smiled. Once again, Gina hadn't told him about this event, he was sure of it.

"No. It's pretty hard to forget about something you never told me about," Castle said almost laughing.

"Richard, of course I told you about it. I've known about it for over a month. You probably just…"

"Look, it doesn't matter. I've got other plans tonight," Castle said interrupting her in mid sentence.

"Oh really. Since when?" Gina questioned looking up from her papers and narrowing her eyes at him.

"Since this morning actually. I ran into Detective Beckett at the courthouse and turns out it's her birthday today and there's a party for her tonight… and I'm going," Castle said matter-of-factly, intentionally leaving out the fact that Gina was invited as well.

"Ha. Of course. Well _that_ explains it then," Gina said with an undertone of anger.

"Explains what?" Castle said taking a drink of his beer.

"Oh, everything, Richard. Number one, why you weren't answering my texts this morning. And it's probably why you are being so argumentative with me right now," Gina said flipping through her papers furiously.

"I'm not being argumentative. I'm just stating the facts. Fact: You did _not_ tell me about the gallery party tonight, just like you didn't tell me about the Pellerin barbeque on the Fourth of July, or Al Gibson's party last week until 2 hours before we were supposed to leave, remember?" Castle said raising his voice slightly.

He didn't want this to turn into a shouting match, so he took a deep breath and stood directly across from Gina. "But that's irrelevant. Even if I had known about the party tonight, I'd be excusing myself because I wouldn't miss Kate's birthday party."

Gina stopped her shuffling of papers at the sound of the detective's first name escaping from his lips and looked up at Castle who was doing his best not to show that he too had noticed. He _never _called her 'Kate', and Gina sunk her teeth into his slip of the tongue like a lioness to the neck of its prey.

"Well! Now I see why you've dedicated this second book to her too. I should've known when I saw that dedication. Tell me something, Richard. Does _Kate_ know that you're in love with her?"

Castle coughed a little on his beer. Gina was definitely a no nonsense type of woman, but this statement was pretty direct, even for her.

"I mean, after all, you've dedicated books to every woman in your life that you've loved- Kyra, Meredith, Alexis, your mother, even _me_. But now Kate Beckett- she gets them _back-to-back_. As I recall, besides Alexis, she's the only person who has ever gotten _two _dedications," Gina said accusingly.

"To be accurate, I dedicated _Heat Wave_ to Beckett _and_ the 12th precinct," Castle said defensively, coming around the bar to stand next to Gina who was now standing.

"Whatever, Richard. I don't have time for this anymore. If it weren't for the fact that she's your _muse_, I would say, 'Fine, go ahead, have your fun, break her heart'. Wouldn't be the first time. Then maybe you'll learn. But as it stands, I have a vested interest in seeing your _working_ relationship continue with Detective Beckett. Don't forget you've signed a four book deal, Richard," Gina said starting to pack her papers back in her bag.

'_Break her heart'? 'Wouldn't be the first time'? What is that supposed to mean?_

"So you've been upset this whole time because of the _dedication_ to her, but you didn't say anything to me because of the book deal? And what did you mean 'break her heart'?" Castle questioned. He knew Gina was just trying to get a rise out of him, but her words still stung.

"Please, Richard! I was upset _way_ before you showed me the dedication. Let's not forget I was married to you for almost 5 years. I know you better than you think. True, you invited _me_ out to the beach house this summer, but I could tell within the first week of us leaving New York that you didn't really want me there. I know you were pining over _her_ all those long hours sitting in your study. And I got my proof when I found your laptop open a couple of times, the browser open to that Cosmo article, open to _her _picture," Gina said picking up her purse. "I know you're going to go after her, but listen to me. You can't screw this book deal up just because of a need to fulfill your fantasy to sleep with Nikki Heat."

"Oh, stop it, Gina. It's not like that. I care for her and respect her and the work that she does. But you're right about one thing. I should never have invited you to the Hamptons knowing I had feelings like this for her, and I'm sorry for that. But I'm _not_ going to stand here and let you belittle her or my feelings now," Castle said, standing his ground.

Gina shook her head and laughed.

"Fine. Like I said, if it weren't for the book deal, I honestly couldn't give a damn what your motivations are." She swung her bag on her shoulder and started to walk towards the door, turning back to him before she exited. "And I'm not saying this just to be spiteful, Richard. I'm saying this as your publisher who cannot afford to see you go into a downward spiral. Women like Detective Beckett don't go for men like you. Isn't that clear enough after over 2 years? Someone will end up hurt when it's all said and done, no matter how you write Heat and Rook in your books."

Castle clenched his fists as she walked out, slamming the door behind her.

"Well, that went well," Castle said aloud to the empty room_. _

But Gina's words lingered in Castle's mind.

'_Someone will end up hurt when it's all said and done'._

He had considered the possibility of Kate getting hurt, most likely by him doing something stupid, but he hadn't considered that _he _might end up with the broken heart. Castle shook his head trying to dismiss Gina's caustic words. He downed the last of his beer, silently cursing himself for letting Gina get to him.

He heard a key in the door and braced himself, assuming it was Gina coming back to unleash the rest of her wrath.

"Hey, Dad!" Alexis said dropping her book bag by the door.

"Sweetie! What are you doing home so early?" Castle asked, embracing his daughter and kissing her head.

"Half day, for the Labor Day weekend," Alexis said as she got a soda from the refrigerator and then plopped down on the couch.

"Hey, I thought I saw Gina getting into a cab downstairs. She looked kind of upset. Was she here?" Alexis said, sipping on her drink and lifting her feet off the couch so her father could sit down.

"Yea, she was here. We, uh, had a… disagreement. Okay, more than that, I think we're pretty much done. Again…" Castle paused. "Please have me committed if I ever think about dating an ex-wife again. No offense to your mom, honey," he quickly added.

"None taken. I'm sorry, Dad. I mean, I kind of gathered things weren't going so well. I heard you arguing on the phone with her a couple of days ago. Are you okay?" Alexis said concerned, but trying to hide the relief in her voice. She knew her dad wasn't really that happy with Gina.

"Yea, I'm okay. This has been brewing for a while now unfortunately," Castle said staring into space.

"Well, I know what'll brighten your mood… baking!" Alexis said cheerfully.

"Excuse me? Baking? And just why are we baking?" Castle said turning to his daughter.

"It's for the beach house this weekend. I told you last week. I'm leaving tonight with Paige and her parents and a couple of other girls from school. I told them I'd bring something for the picnic tomorrow and all the girls requested your world famous raspberry-filled devil's food chocolate cupcakes. Remember how you and I used to make them together every year for the class Valentine 's Day party in elementary school? They were always such a hit," Alexis said.

"Really? Man, we haven't made those in years, Alexis," Castle said smiling at the memory of his daughter in her pink and green apron with flour strewn about the kitchen. Castle recalled teaching himself how to bake, so that he could then teach Alexis. He hadn't wanted her to miss out on anything "girlie" just because her mother wasn't a part of her life.

"So you'll help me?" Alexis said pleading a little.

"I dunno, honey. I mean I just got back from out of town, I'm kinda spent after fighting with Gina... Why don't we just drop into Magnolia Bakery and buy something…" Castle said. He truthfully was tired after the day's events.

"Oh, come on, Dad. Don't tell me you're going to start acting your age for once. Besides, Magnolia's are _not_ the same as yours. Please, Dad? Pretty, pretty please?" Alexis said batting her eyelashes at him and imitating Castle's forlorn puppy dog face to a tee.

Castle opened his mouth to protest, but instead an idea popped into his head that made him reconsider.

_Beckett's party. Even though it's not a 'birthday' party, she couldn't object to some innocent cupcakes? After all, who doesn't like cupcakes? _

"Okay, fine, but we need to double the recipe. Oh, and _I _call dibs on licking the bowl," Castle said moving to get off the couch. Alexis's frown deepened a bit at the prospect of not getting the dregs of batter from the bowl.

Castle sighed at her face. He couldn't resist his daughter's pout and he caved.

"Fii-iine! You can have the bowl. I get the beaters though… deal?" Castle said grabbing her hands and pulling her off the couch.

"Deal," Alexis said shaking her father's hand as they made their way to the kitchen.

Castle smiled mischievously to himself and added, "Oh, and, Alexis, let's mix it up a bit and make them _cherry-_filled."

**A/N: Cherries! BTW did y'all see the promo for next week? H-O-T! Anyway, stay tuned for more... and please let me know of how you think I disposed of Gina... :) **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Okay, I'm back working on this story! Warning- this chapter gets a bit heavy towards the end. Hope you like it!**

The rest of Kate's day after returning from the courthouse had dragged by. She worked at her desk in the unusually quiet bullpen as most non-essential staff had knocked off early in honor of the holiday weekend. Kate sighed and stared at the daunting pile of files she needed to go through before the department's quarterly audit in less than a week. She peeked at the time on her computer screen.

2:27.

Her thoughts wandered as she sorted through the files, organizing them first into two piles- open and closed cases, and then according to the date the case was filed. Much to her frustration, she just couldn't seem to get Castle off her mind, especially the thought of seeing him later at the party. She didn't want to admit it, but she was actually looking forward to the party more now that he would be attending. For the first time in several months, she also found herself putting some thought into what she would wear. She thought about the new white silk Jil Sander dress she had bought on the heavily discounted sale rack at Barney's a few weeks before. It had been completely an impulse purchase; she hadn't even tried it on before buying it. But when Kate had finally decided to put it on several days ago and stood in front of the full length mirror in her nude heels, she realized that the deep v-neck cut dress with its slightly sheer and flowing material unmistakably oozed sensuality and would drive any man mad. Kate found her face smiling and her cheeks warming at the image of Castle reacting to her sun-kissed body in that dress. The smile was quickly replaced by a frown as Kate silently chastised herself for her lusty reaction at the thought of Castle wanting her in that way. She rubbed her temples, feeling a headache coming on.

_Why do all my thoughts come back to him?_

She mentally kicked herself for inviting Gina to the party. Memories of the first and only time she had met Castle's second ex-wife instantly created an uncomfortable sensation in her chest, as if a fist had grabbed her insides and twisted. She glanced at her father's watch.

2:35.

Scowling, Kate realized that thinking about Castle and Gina only made the already brutal passage of time doing paperwork more sluggish and torturous than normal. She seriously debated leaving the rest of it for another day. She had planned on leaving a few hours early anyway because Lanie had insisted that she come over beforehand and get ready for the party at her place. But, as Kate tapped her fingers on the desk willing her thoughts not to drift to a certain writer, she just couldn't seem to justify leaving this early.

"Beckett? I thought you would have headed out by now," Captain Montgomery said, standing outside his office door, sipping a fresh cup of coffee.

"Oh. No, sir. I've still got quite a bit of paperwork to get through before the audit next week," Kate replied, motioning to the piles in front of her.

"Detective, it's a holiday weekend, and as I recall your birthday, right? Heard about your party tonight. Sorry I won't be able to make it. In-laws are visiting this weekend," the Captain said approaching her desk. "Seriously, Beckett. You should get out of here. You're not even supposed to be working today."

"Oh, that's okay. And it's not really _my _party. Just a little get together Lanie planned for Labor Day," Kate said, still looking at the file folders.

"These can wait, Detective. I'm serious about taking some time for yourself today… of all days."

Montgomery paused as he considered his next words carefully, focusing on the steam rising from his coffee mug.

"I know that it's your mother's birthday too," he said, moving his eyes to Kate's face, seeing only a flicker of emotion as her lower eyelids twitched slightly and her hands slowed from reorganizing the papers on her desk. "And, I also heard _he_ came back today."

"How did you know?" Kate said, suddenly on edge.

"Which? Your mother's birthday or Castle showing up?" Montgomery asked, watching the detective's eyes as they made contact with him.

Before she could answer, he continued.

"Well, as your superior, naturally I read the need-to-know aspects of your psychological evals from when you were a trainee and your first couple of years on the force. As I recall, you sharing the same birthday as your mother was mentioned somewhere in there. But I never had cause to bring it up until now because you've usually taken at least part of this day off in the past," Montgomery took a long sip of his coffee.

Kate sat there, silent. She didn't know how to respond. She had never told anyone about their shared birthday since Johanna Beckett had died. Still, it was slightly comforting to know that the Captain understood at least part of what she was going through today.

"And as far as Castle goes… well, Esposito's got a mouth for gossip that rivals most 15 year old girls in study hall. Told me when he got back from court this morning. Explains why you're still here though. Always have thrown yourself into work as a way to avoid dealing with the issues at hand, Detective. Not that there's anything wrong with that, as long as it's not a habit. I'm guilty of it myself on occasion. But, you know, Kate, you can't use work as an excuse to hide your feelings forever," Montgomery said maintaining eye contact for a beat, then standing.

"Anyway, have a good time tonight… and say 'hi' to Castle for me, " he finished, giving the tiniest of winks that Kate might have missed had she not been staring at him so intently.

Kate sat at her desk, flabbergasted and slightly annoyed as she watched the Captain head back to his office. She couldn't believe he had just laid it all out like that about Castle.

_What makes everyone so freaking sure that Richard Castle and I would be so damn good together? First Lanie, now the Captain? _

She shook her head, fuming inside.

_Doesn't matter. Moot point. He is with Gina and _we_ work together. That's all._

She moved to stand, but her thigh caught the underside of the desk, with the resulting jolt enough to send half of the case files sliding over the edge onto the ground with a crash. Kate closed her eyes in frustration.

"Dammit!" Kate cursed under her breath at the mess in front of her, kneeling to gather papers on the ground for the second time that day, her mind flashing immediately to her literal run-in with Castle at the courthouse earlier. She cursed again, almost, but not quite, regretting her earlier invitation to him. She just didn't want to see him with Gina. She thought that she could be okay with him coming back, but now, she wasn't so sure. She felt her eyes stinging, and choked back a sob. She was sick of her emotions getting the best of her today.

_Screw this._

She rose, restacking the files haphazardly on her desk and decided she wasn't going to get anything more done today anyway. She needed to find somewhere to relax and not think about _him, _and she had the perfect place in mind. Grabbing her coat off the back of her chair, she twirled on her heel and made her way towards the elevator.

_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_

Kate pulled her light coat tighter around her slim body as she strode briskly down 5th. A late summer cold front was expected to arrive that night and she could already feel the cool nip to the air whipping past her as she rounded the corner in front of St. Thomas Church to turn onto 53rd.

Kate loved modern art. Absolutely loved it. Almost as much as her mother had. Johanna Beckett had majored in art history in college and Kate had followed in her footsteps, choosing it as one half of her double major, the other being psychology. The first few years after her mother's death, Kate had faithfully visited the Museum of Modern Art every year on their birthday. Somehow being surrounded by all of their favorite masterpieces felt more personal than going to her gravesite and crying in front of the bleak tombstone. Johanna Beckett had been just as vibrant and full of energy as Matisse's dancers, and Kate preferred honoring her memory in this way.

She made her way through the entrance after buying a ticket, pausing briefly in front of a temporary display just past the entrance. It included a circular strip of film some eight feet in diameter floating between two large floor fans sitting opposite each other. The film hovered in the jets of air created by the fans, threatening to touch the floor or go flying off to the side, but somehow it maintained its unpredictable dance in the countercurrent winds. Kate marveled at the controlled chaos.

_Amazing._

Over the last several years, Kate had given up her MOMA ritual on their birthday. She wasn't quite sure why, but up until this point she had failed to realize how much she missed it. Kate always felt calm and at peace here, her mind free of the thoughts of work and any other stressors in her life. She subconsciously fingered the outline of her mother's ring beneath her blouse as she made her way up the escalators to the permanent exhibits, memories of their many trips here together tugging at her mind.

She first stopped at Van Gogh's famous depiction of the night with the "twirly swirly sky" as her mother had called it when Kate had first come here in grade school. Kate continued her tour of the exhibits, celebrating and mourning with the masters: Matisse, Monet, Chagall, Orozco. After an hour or so, she finally made it to the Picassos. Surprisingly, her mother had not really been a fan of the Spaniard, save one very special painting. Kate knew exactly where it hung and she made a beeline past one of Monet's many water lily paintings. She rounded a corner, and there it was.

_Girl Before a Mirror. Picasso. 1932. Oil on canvas._

She took a few steps back to where a bench was positioned opposite the painting and took a seat there. Letting her eyes lose focus for a minute, the jumble of shapes and colors that formed a women's body and her reflection in the mirror successfully pushed the remaining clutter out of Kate's mind. She remained perfectly still, refocusing on the canvas, remembering why this particular Picasso had ultimately gained the approval of her mother's critical eye.

She recalled the last visit she had made to the MOMA with her mother. It had been about 18 months before her murder, the summer before Kate had left for college.

"_Mom, how can you say that! Dad may know books, but he has got absolutely NO eye for art! He thinks that hideous print of the 'dogs playing poker' that hangs up in the study is the epitome of American 20__th__ century art!" Kate said a bit loudly, garnering looks from one of the security men as they made their way through the exhibits._

"_Hey, now! Watch it, sister! I gave him that print for our fifth wedding anniversary, so don't knock it," her mother said playfully._

"_Seriously? THAT was your anniversary gift to him? Jeez, Mom! No wonder I'm an only child. That painting has about as much romance as a can opener. I'd hate to see what he gave _you!_" Kate snorted, idly pulling at her loose ponytail._

"_You've seen what he gave me lots of times, and dare I say, you seem to __covet __it," Johanna said with a smile, musing at her little girl, now grown up and leaving for college in two short weeks._

"_Not your antique ring! And, I don't 'covet' it… I just like it… a lot," Kate said at the same time grabbing her mother's hand and examining the ring on her delicate fingers. _

"_Yeah- 'like' is an understatement. Remember how you snuck into our room several times to slide this ring off my finger when I was sleeping… you were quite the little thief!" Johanna said snatching her hand away from Kate and stopping in front of Picasso's painting._

"_Mom, I was like, 4 years old," Kate said coming around next to her mother who now stood mesmerized by _Girl Before a Mirror_._

"_Picasso got it right on this one," Johanna said softly._

"_Thought you didn't like Picasso?" Kate said cocking her head to the side, trying to see what her mother had found in this painting._

"_Oh, I like some of his work. Well, okay, actually very little. But, in my opinion_, this_ is one of his best," Johanna stepped back slightly, studying the canvas. _

"_Why?" Kate said eyeing the opposing women in the painting; the woman on the left serene and youthful, the reflection in the mirror almost disfigured and aged._

"_I dunno," Johanna said with a slight shrug of her shoulders. " I just _feel _this one, Katie," _

"_I never paid it much attention before a few years ago. But, now that _you've_ given me a few grey hairs, I suppose I identify with her more. One day you're young and beautiful, your whole life ahead of you. The next thing you know, you look in the mirror and 'bam!' you've lived half your life and your baby girl is going to college in a few weeks," Johanna Beckett said, grinning widely at her lovely daughter. _

_In that moment, Johanna had felt like the woman in the painting, but in reverse. She saw her own youth reflected in Kate's shining face, and that made her very happy._

"_I'm going to miss you, Katie," Johanna said suddenly feeling nostalgic._

"_I'm going to miss you too," Kate said softly, wrapping her arm around her mother's waist and squeezing. "But, I'll only be a few hours away. And besides… if you get me the cell phone I want for my birthday, you can talk to me _anytime_ you want!"_

_Kate smiled, batting her eyes pleadingly, knowing her charms never worked on her mother and she was better off using this tactic with her father._

"_Cell phone? Oh, Kate, we have been over and over this. You are NOT getting a cell phone…" _

Kate was jerked back to reality by a school group that noisily entered the exhibit room on their way to the escalators. She looked out the window, noticing the muted colors of dusk outside. Her watch read a quarter after 6. She had been absorbed in her memories for nearly an hour.

Kate brushed at tiny tears that escaped her eyes as she stood. Despite these tears, she felt better than she had all day. Although she still felt the emotions swirling around her heart and mind, they were no longer pummeling her being. She was back in control, at least for now. As she made her way to the room's exit, she glanced over her shoulder for one more look at her mother's Picasso.

_Happy birthday, Mom._

**A/N: Whew! Don't worry, Kate's gonna cheer up soon, but I couldn't have her go the whole day without some mention of memories of her mother. **

**BTW- MOMA in NYC rocks, I highly recommend it. Oh, and I have nothing against Picasso :) ... and I do LOVE _Girl Before A Mirror_. **

**The party is next! **

**Reviews are appreciated! -KB**


	8. Chapter 8

Kate smoothed her hair back into the loosely coiled bun at the base of her neck with one hand and held the front of her dress down from the wind with the other as she approached Lanie's Upper West Side brownstone, eyeing what looked to be rainclouds overhead. Kate had already texted Lanie, apologizing for not coming early as promised and also for being a bit late. Actually, a lot late. It had been hell finding a cab at this time of night, especially with the weather and the holiday weekend and it was nearly 9 as she approached her building.

Kate used the spare key that Lanie had given her years ago to let herself in. The sound of soft jazz greeted her as she ascended the stairs. She found the door to Lanie's 3rd floor unit and she could hear the noisy hum of booze-laden conversation escaping from the door which was slightly ajar. Kate's eyes opened wide as she took in the crowd of people. The place was fairly packed.

_So much for a quiet get together._

Lanie always did know how to throw a party. Kate shook her head as she saw her best friend dressed in a teal strapless dress, shamelessly flirting with Esposito, her hand touching his forearm as she laughed at the conversation.

"Hey, sorry I'm late," Kate said as she approached Lanie, Esposito, Ryan, and another man Kate recognized as one of Lanie's friends from the ME's office.

"Hey, girl! Happy birthday!" Lanie said, giving Kate a sloppy hug.

"Yea, happy birthday, Beckett!" Esposito chimed, giving her a hug as well.

Echoes of happy birthday erupted from the crowd of people and Kate dipped her head a little in embarrassment.

"Well it's about damn time! We were thinking we'd have to send Ryan out to look for you pretty soon," Lanie joked.

"Me? Why me?" Ryan said, a bit confused as he took a sip from his green bottle of sparkling water.

"Because, _Detective Perrier_, you're the only one who's sober enough," Esposito said, slapping Ryan on the shoulder with a bit too much force.

"Hey! Jenny and I are meeting up later, so excuse me if I don't want to be hammered," Ryan said defensively.

"Plus, I like the little bubbles," he added with a crooked smile, holding the glass up to the light and then taking a swig.

"Come on, let's get you a _real _drink," Lanie said guiding Kate through the crowd of people to the kitchen which had a cut out breakfast bar in one wall that was the designated drink area.

"Jeez, Lanie, who are all these people?" Kate said, scanning the crowd and recognizing a few cops and people from the ME's office. The one face she was looking for, however, she didn't see.

"Oh you know… a few neighbors from the building, doctor friends, cop friends… friends of friends… word got out I guess," Lanie said smiling widely.

"What'll you have?" Lanie asked, putting some ice in a glass. "I've got stuff for mojitos and just about any other alcoholic beverage under the sun."

"A mojito is great, thanks," Kate said, still scanning the room.

Lanie watched Kate's eyes as they danced from face to face, obviously searching the room for Castle.

"He's around," Lanie said, putting crushed mint in the bottom of the glass.

"Huh?" Kate said, her head whipping around to look at Lanie.

"Girl, don't 'huh' me! Esposito told me that he's back," she said, adding the rum, sugar and lime juice to the glass. Lanie looked her friend up and down, noting that the dress was new and hugged her curves in all the right places. She instantly knew that Kate had worn it with one purpose in mind- to get a certain author's attention.

"So, you wanna talk about it, or you just gonna stand there in those 'screw me' heels and sexy new dress and play dumb?" Lanie said, adding a splash of club soda to the concoction, sticking a straw in the glass and handing it to Kate, who frowned.

_God, am I that obvious? How did she know I was looking for Castle?_

"These are not 'screw me' heels," Kate said with a scowl, lifting a foot and sticking her leg out to examine her 3 1/2 inch nude heels.

"They're perfectly normal shoes. And, no, I don't want to talk about it," Kate said taking several long drags on the straw and instantly feeling the warmth of the alcohol numbing her senses a bit. She really had hoped not to have this conversation again. She just wanted to have some drinks, laugh a little with friends, and detach herself from the crazy roller coasting emotions of the day.

"Uh-huh. Okay, fine. You just keep sucking down the drinks like that. You'll be loosening up and talking to me in no time. Just do me a favor though and don't start hitting on me. I've got my eye on someone else tonight," Lanie said, now making herself a drink.

"Haha. Very funny," Kate said sarcastically. Kate waited a beat and continued, "So… you and Esposito, huh?" she said casually as she stirred her drink with the straw.

"Yea… maybe. We'll see," Lanie said, pausing her drinking making for a quick smile. "But, hey, do _not _try and change the subject. I'm serious, Kate. I was there when he left, I know how you feel about him, hell we all do. And now he's back, you're single, it's your birthday … and, let's face it, you haven't gotten any in a while…" Lanie said raising an eyebrow.

"Gee, Lanie, thanks. Way to make me feel good," Kate said, feeling the alcohol swirling in her stomach and her cheeks flushing.

"I'm just sayin'. I know you still have feelings for him, you're both adults… live a little," Lanie said raising her glass to toast.

Kate clinked her glass to Lanie's and sighed.

"I wish it were that simple, Lanie. But, need we forget a minor detail named 'Gina'. Plus, we work together. Castle can hardly behave himself as it is. What do you think it would be like if I slept with him?" Kate said, fidgeting with the gold bangles on her wrist.

"Oh, puh-lease! If you slept with him and that was it, yea, it probably would be a bit awkward if you didn't address all these bottled up feelings inside. But you wouldn't just have the physical part with him, Kate. He cares about you too, so I think the overall experience would be pretty fantastic with the potential for a lot more. You really don't think he's just going to jump in bed with you and not expect more, do you?"

"No, I guess not… I don't know! Besides, this is all stupid and pointless to talk about because he's with Gina, remember?" Kate said matter-of-factly, slurping the last of her mojito through the straw.

"Gina? Honey, I don't think he's with Gina based on what I heard earlier," Lanie said taking her glass and mixing her another drink.

Kate's eyes snapped up. Her heart was racing, pumping the alcohol through her system, making her feel light-headed, and strangely hopeful. She recalled the phone conversation she had witnessed earlier in the day between Castle and Gina. He _had_ seemed a little annoyed now that she thought about it. Kate struggled to sound casual as she probed Lanie for more information.

"Oh? What makes you say that?" Kate said accepting her second drink, making a conscious effort to drink this one more slowly.

"Well, not that you care or anything, but I heard him mention to Esposito that he and Gina might have had some troubles this summer and it all sort of came to a head today," Lanie said, watching Kate who made a failed attempt at suppressing a smile.

"Plus, if Castle asked me once, then he must have asked me a dozen times tonight 'when do you think she'll be here?' and 'have you heard from Beckett yet?', blah, ba-blah, ba-blah… I thought I was going to have to muzzle him. I see what you mean now about him driving you a bit crazy at times," Lanie added with a cock of her head.

"Yeah, tell me about it," Kate said, her mouth turned up in a half smile. She couldn't deny that she would be happy if Castle actually had broken things off with Gina, but that didn't mean that she was just going to jump him, even if that's what her suddenly raging hormones were telling her to do.

"Anyway… I'm starving, want something to eat?" Lanie said making her way into the small dining room that had a large spread of food laid out on the table.

Kate's stomach growled hungrily. In all the events of the day, she had forgotten to eat dinner and had only had a Snickers for lunch. Her eyes scanned the table and focused on the end where the desserts were. She shook her head as she spied the cupcakes, each with a purple birthday candle sticking out of the top. Despite herself, her mouth instantly watered.

"Thought I said no cake," Kate said eyeing the cupcakes hungrily.

"Technically they're _cupcakes_, not cake. They're damn good too, so instead of complaining why don't you just zip it and try one," Lanie said, helping herself to a baked cream cheese stuffed jalapeño.

Kate rolled her eyes at Lanie trying to make the distinction between cupcakes and cake.

"They have candles in them too," Kate said studying the brown cylinders, the purple candles perfectly centered in the middle of each one.

"Yeah, well, we decided candles were acceptable as long as we didn't light them and break out into 'Happy Birthday'."

Kate scrutinized the cupcakes. The heavenly aroma of chocolate made its way to her nose and her will power left her.

_Well, technically it is my birthday…_

She picked out the biggest one, which also happened to have the most frosting, pulled the candle off the top throwing it aside and pealed back the wrapper from the bottom, taking a bite. The chocolate by itself was divine, but when the cherry filling hit her taste buds, she almost groaned it was so delectable.

"Told you. Good, huh?" Lanie said watching her friend having her private moment with the pastry.

Kate just shook her head, greedily taking another bite.

_So freaking good._

"So, I know you don't bake, so where'd you get them from? They really are amazing," Kate asked between mouthfuls.

"I didn't buy them. They're homemade. But you're right, not by me," Lanie said, hiding a smile.

"Who then-Ryan? I know he and Jenny were taking cooking classes together. Guess it paid off, huh?" Kate said, wiping the excess frosting from her fingers with a napkin before taking another bite. "Wonder how Ryan would feel about 'Cupcake' as a new nickname. Although, I suppose that's just as bad as 'Honey Milk'," Kate said, laughing a bit at her own joke.

Lanie eyed her friend with a smirk.

"Nope, wasn't Ryan. But… I'm sure _Castle_ wouldn't object to a new nickname."

Kate choked a little on the cupcake when Lanie said his name.

"I mean, 'Cupcake' is better than 'Kitten' if you ask me," Lanie said, picking out one of the pastries herself and trying hard to hold in a laugh at the look of shock on Kate's face.

"Did you say _Castle_? Castle… _bakes_?" Kate said staring down at the half-eaten cupcake in her hand as if it had just sprouted legs.

"Apparently so, and very well as it seems," Lanie said, taking a bite. "Just another check in his 'win' column if you ask me… also makes me wonder what other 'hidden talents' he has, if you catch my drift," Lanie said suggestively.

"God, Lanie! You're almost as bad as he is with your innuendo," Kate said in mock horror. Truth was Kate had been wondering this for quite some time herself and she felt her stomach twist a little at the possibility of Castle's skills in bed equaling those he obviously possessed in the kitchen.

Lanie's eyes drifted over to the bar area where she saw someone removing a bottle from the built in wine cooler.

"Oh, hell no!" Lanie swore under her breath. "Hold that thought, honey. I'll be back- someone is about to open up one my bottles of Chateauneuf de Pape that Castle gave me last year for _my_ birthday…" Lanie said scurrying off to the kitchen.

Kate laughed out loud as she watched her friend about to lay the smack down on some innocent partygoer who probably didn't know a bottle of Chateauneuf de Pape from Boone's.

Kate was so amused by Lanie that she failed to notice a familiar figure approaching her.

"Hey, Kate."

She recognized the voice and her breath was cut off in mid laugh. She turned slowly toward the voice and conjured up a smile.

"Tom! Hey."

**A/N: So please don't hate me for bringing Tom back! I had to have a wee bit of drama at the party, and I like Tom better than Gina. We'll see how Castle deals with Tom this time around in the next chapter (redemption, anyone?).**

**There will also be some Caskett goodness coming up soon.**

**Please review- lots of dialogue in this chapter... not sure how it turned out, but it was fun writing Lanie for a change...**

**Thanks for reading! -KB**


	9. Chapter 9

**Don't own it, but my New Year's resolution is to create something half as awesome someday... :) Enjoy! -KB**

Through the window, Castle observed Kate talking to Lanie from where he stood on her small balcony just off the dining room. He had stepped out minutes before Kate arrived to get some fresh air and think about how he was going to play his cards if and when she finally showed up. Part of him wanted to just lay it all out there and tell her how he felt- that he couldn't be _just_ her partner at work anymore. He had missed her this summer with a fervor that only was rivaled by his feelings for Alexis, and seeing her today had only affirmed all the thoughts about her that had flailed about in his brain all these months and solidified them into full-blown romantic feelings towards her.

He continued to watch her, mesmerized by her profile as she laughed at Lanie. She looked perfectly statuesque in her ivory colored dress and her hair pinned back, accentuating her lovely neck and shoulders. He sighed.

_And I didn't think it was possible to want her more._

He watched her conversing with Lanie and then saw her scrutinizing the cupcakes. Castle watched in anticipation and finally witnessed her acquiescing to her sweet tooth. He grinned as she bit into the cupcake, her eyes closing as she chewed slowly in enjoyment. He didn't need to hear her words; he knew the cupcakes were a hit. As she turned to say something to Lanie, Kate's toned upper back and lightly tanned legs that seemed to go on forever came into his view and he imagined how wonderful her satiny skin would feel under his hands. At that moment, Castle also realized that his palms were a bit sweaty, and for the first time in a very long time he felt slightly on-edge about approaching a member of the opposite sex.

A fine misty rain began to fall as Castle paced on the small balcony. He breathed deeply as he contemplated his next move. Of course he knew it was a risk to tell her how he felt. She had rejected him before, although he fully admitted to himself that his prior attempts to convey his feelings were usually nothing more than insinuations and suggestions, not serious proposals. Not only did he risk her personal rejection, but he risked alienating her on a professional level. The thought of not working with her created an unexpected lump in his throat and he reflexively swallowed, attempting to banish that thought from his conscience. He moved towards the window to gaze at her again and he saw Lanie headed back to the kitchen. She looked so happy, and Castle felt in his heart that if she would just hear him out, if she would just allow the _possibility_ of them as a couple, that he would try like hell to make her smile like that every day.

_This is it._

He couldn't wait anymore; he'd been wrangling with his feelings for the entire summer, hell, for nearly the entire time he'd known her. Even before Demming.

_What the… Demming?_

His eyes grew wide as he saw a familiar man approaching Kate. Castle couldn't believe it. His jaw clenched as he saw the robbery detective flash her a smile. Kate rotated her body towards him, a small wisp of hair falling onto the side of her face as she moved. She looked surprised, but quickly smiled back and then started fidgeting with her bracelets. Demming moved closer and Castle could read his lips as he said 'happy birthday' and leaned in giving her a half-hug and what he hoped was an unwanted kiss on the cheek. Castle shook his head and exhaled audibly in frustration.

_What the HELL…why is he even here?_

On the other side of the window, similar thoughts filled Kate's mind.

_What the hell is he doing here?_

"You look great, Kate. Happy birthday," Demming said as he leaned forward grasping her upper arm and brushing a quick kiss to her cheek before she knew what was happening. She couldn't help the small flush that came to her cheeks.

Kate really didn't pay much attention to the small talk that escaped his mouth next- something about how great the party was and asking her about work. Instead, her mind was too busy figuring out what Demming was doing here. They surprisingly didn't share a lot of mutual friends, so she really had not expected to see him at the party tonight. At the precinct she knew that it was always a possibility that she could run into him, but thankfully, their paths had only crossed a couple of times since their relationship had ended.

As she watched him, Kate was a bit taken aback by the fact that she felt a hint of her old feelings for him. She thought she had made the right decision when she broke up with him, regardless of how things had ended up with Castle. But she just couldn't seem to suppress the piercing and unmistakable sensation of regret and guilt as she stood there knowing she had dumped a decent guy like Tom Demming over a questionable invite to the beach by Castle.

As Demming continued to talk at her, her thoughts shifted to her favorite author and partner. She was still stunned that he had baked for her. It was the first time someone had made her anything homemade for her birthday since her mother had passed away. She felt heat tickling her cheeks, her body warming at just the _thought _of Castle.

_God, I'm pathetic._

"So how's homicide been treating you? Keeping you busy?" Tom said, as his eyes skimmed up and down her body.

She noticed him stepping a bit closer to her and found herself leaning back subconsciously. Her body language surprised even her and she had clarity in that instant- she wasn't interested in Tom anymore.

"It's New York City. We're always busy," Kate answered dryly.

"Yea, guess that's true. Robbery's actually been decent lately. I even got to take a real vacation this summer," Tom said, sipping his drink slowly.

"That's nice," Kate answered absently, looking over his shoulder, hoping to make eye contact with Lanie. She had to suppress an eye roll as she saw her friend cozying up to Esposito in the living room.

"So, I saw Rick Castle around here earlier," Tom said, obviously fishing for information. "He's still with you, huh?"

Kate's eyes shot back to Tom's face. She really didn't want to talk about Castle with him.

"Uh, yeah. We're still working together," Kate said matter-of-factly.

Tom's eyes met hers and she found herself wishing Lanie would put her little flirt session on hold before she had to say something obvious to get Tom to back off. He continued, speaking softly as he leaned near her.

"So… I promised myself I wasn't going to say this to you, but now that you're here in front of me, well… I've missed you, Kate," Tom said, suddenly struggling to maintain eye contact with her. At the same time he gently touched her forearm, trailing his finger down its length.

Castle chugged the remaining few sips in his drink as he continued to watch their interaction from the balcony.

_Well, I'm not gonna stand here and watch this. You had your chance, buddy._

He paused briefly at the door. What was he going to do? Go charging in and shove Demming out of the way? His shoulders slumped a little as he realized he didn't really have a claim on Kate, but at the same time he couldn't stop the testosterone surge that had suddenly rifled through his body at the sight of Demming talking to her… touching her. He pursed his lips. It was an especially agonizing déjà vu of when he had walked up to see them having their PDA in the precinct all those months ago. The image was still vivid in Castle's mind and it made him sick to think that maybe Kate was actually happy to see Demming tonight. He continued to watch the scene with almost a depraved curiosity. He concentrated on Kate, and suddenly felt himself stand a little taller as he took note of the subtleties of her posture and facial expressions.

First he noticed her eyes; they didn't match her smile. Castle knew that when Kate Beckett truly smiled at you, it was with her eyes just as much as with her mouth. She was also chewing on the inside of her lower lip, which caused the side of her mouth to pucker in a bit. She often did this while sitting in front of the murder board when he was spinning theories about a case. Castle knew that this particular tic meant that although she heard you, she wasn't listening to you fully, that she was lost in some other thoughts only she could hear. Finally, he watched the way she stood as Demming leaned in closer to her. Her arms hung straight down in front of her, hands clasped just below her waist as he neared her. As he touched her arm, Castle saw the almost imperceptible tightening of her fingers.

She was uncomfortable and Castle knew it. This was his chance. He knew that Kate was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, especially from unwanted advances from the likes of Tom Demming. Nevertheless, a spark was ignited within him now and Castle was going to make it clear that although Kate might not yet be his to defend, he was not going to stand by and watch from the cheap seats this time around.

Castle reached for the door handle, turned it and found that it appeared to be sticking. To top it off, the light mist of a rain that had started a few minutes before was turning into a mini-deluge. There was little cover on the small balcony so he was getting drenched.

_Well, shit._

In his moment of zeal, he decided that the most logical next step would of course be to ram the door with the full force of his 6 foot 3 inch muscular frame. The old door gave way quite easily under his misplaced gusto, swinging open violently, and the next thing Castle knew, he found himself sprawled across the floor of the dining area with a front row view of Kate's legs plastered in front of him.

Kate jumped slightly at the sound of the door crashing open, and then stifled a laugh as she saw a fairly saturated Richard Castle at her feet, staring up with a disoriented look on his face that quickly morphed into a signature Castle-smirk at the sight of her legs inches from his face.

_Of course he would end up so he's practically looking up my skirt._

She reached down, offering him a hand, which he gratefully accepted.

"Well, you certainly know how to make an entrance, Castle. Although, now that I think about it, that's the second time that you've used the break-down-the-door bit, so you might want to work on something more original the next time," Kate joked as she shook her head in amusement, referring to the time he had literally broken down the door to rescue her from her burning apartment.

"I'll keep that in mind. Now that you mention it, though… I will say that I preferred the attire I found you in the first time I did that," he said lowering his voice so only she could hear him. His thoughts flashed to the glimpse of her bare back in her bathtub.

"But, that is a _very_ nice dress, Detective," he added quickly, seeing a flash of color hit her cheeks before she telegraphed him a weak look of disapproval through narrowed eyes.

"At any rate, someone should tell Lanie, that door needs some WD 40 or something," he then shook his head a little to remove the water from his hair, showering Kate with droplets of water in the process.

"Hey, hold on there with the spin cycle!" Kate exclaimed as she held her hands up to shield her face from the water. She smiled at him as he stood there dripping on the hardwoods. He was wearing a cream colored short-sleeved linen shirt which now clung to his chest in a way that brought a flush to Kate's cheeks for the second time in less than a minute. He rarely wore short sleeves, so Kate couldn't help but notice how the light reflected off the damp skin of his muscular forearms.

Castle smiled back at her, seeing the scattered drops of water that now dotted her chest and clung to her hair. As she shook her head at him, he grabbed some napkins off the table, handing a few to her. The fact that her smile now caused the tiniest of crinkles to the corners of her eyes was not lost on him and he couldn't help but sneak a look at Demming who shot back a glare. He stood off to the side, clearly annoyed both that Castle had broken up their conversation, and that Kate was apparently so happy to see him.

"Thanks, but I think you're gonna need more than napkins. I'll grab a towel for you in the bathroom. Be right back," she said glancing between Demming and Castle, hoping the two of them would behave until she got back.

Castle turned fully to face the other detective just as he heard Demming clear his throat.

"Tom! Hey! Didn't know you were coming tonight. Nice to see you," Castle said, a less-than-genuine smile plastered to his face, extending his hand for a shake.

"Castle. Nice to see you too," Demming said coolly as he shook his hand, but clearly focusing on Kate as she walked away.

"So, read in the paper last week you spent most of the summer in the Hamptons finishing your new book. It's coming out soon, right?" Tom asked, turning back to Castle.

"Yea, yea. The launch party is in a few weeks. Just got back a few days ago in fact. It's good to be back home, you know? Missed the city, work… the people," Castle said, his eyes instinctively gazing to the side as he watched Kate duck into the bathroom.

"So… Kate says you're still spending time with her… but on a strictly professional basis only, huh? Thought you would've made a move by now, Castle, based on everything I've heard about your past exploits with women," Demming said mockingly.

Castle was rocked for an instant at the insinuation that Kate and Demming had talked about him, but Castle knew her better than that. He felt pretty confident Demming was just trying to get a rise out of him. Castle's first instinct was to spit words to the effect of "not 'strictly professional' for long, you ass" back into Demming's face, but he took a deep breath, trying to reign in his irritation. But Castle was a man, after all, and he just couldn't stop himself from saying something that would allude to his intentions to pursue a relationship with Kate outside of work.

"Yea, well, I'm definitely looking forward to working more _intimately_ with Beckett … really… get in on the _action_ with her this time." Castle smirked a bit as Demming's face clouded with annoyance.

_Boo-yah._

"Oh, really? _Get in on the action_?" Kate said, cocking an eyebrow at him as she reappeared with the towel.

_And…busted._

"And just what kind of _action_ did you have in mind, Castle?" she said circling around to his side and giving him the towel by smacking it into his chest. Truth was, she was slightly amused at his attempt to irritate Tom, but she played the pissed off part to a tee.

"What I meant was… _catch_ some action… as in _murder_ action… as in _solving_ murders with you, us, together…I think I need a drink, anyone want a drink?" he said, the adrenaline pumping through his veins causing his words to come out in hurried phrases. He laughed nervously**.**

Castle felt himself floundering and hated the way his body suddenly felt like one big bundle of nerves. He also cursed his ego driven mouth. The last thing he wanted Kate to think was that his only motivation for being around her was sex. He had just been puffing out his feathers a bit in front of Demming. He ran the towel over his head, and seriously considered letting it hang over his face like a paper bag.

'_Murder action'? Real suave, Rick. First I literally fall on my face in front of her and now she catches me insinuating that I'm trying to get her into bed… what is _wrong_ with me?_

Kate stared at Castle, perplexed for a moment, watching as he dried himself off with a slight pout to his face. She found him annoyingly adorable at that moment and fought opposing desires to both hug and slug him.

Then it dawned on her.

_He seems nervous...and jealous?_

She caught his gaze, giving him the quickest of grins at the same time unconsciously nipping at her lower lip with her teeth in a way that caught Castle's attention and caused his stomach to tighten a bit. Demming's voice interrupted their moment.

"Anyways.… uh, Kate, can I talk to you for a minute… _alone_," Demming said, his eyes flicking to Castle for a half-second before returning to her.

Castle's heart sank slightly as she watched Kate leave his side to walk over to Tom. Maybe all the signals he had picked up from her had been erased by his stupid comment. He cursed himself for not trying to stop her, but he didn't want to make himself look more like a fool in front of her than he already felt he had. Castle turned to regroup and walked a few yards away to the opposite end of the room. He ended up next to the desserts, picking up one of the cupcakes and shoving half of it into his mouth in frustration.

Kate stopped a few feet from Demming, seeing his face light up with what she could only assume was a victory gloat.

_Uh, men! Why is it always a competition?_

She knew she was going to have to spell it out for him. He reached for her hand, which she quickly pulled behind her back.

"Tom, look. It was good to see you, but I'm sorry, _this_… _we_ are not going to happen…" Kate said, looking at him directly.

Tom looked over her shoulder at Castle who had his back to them.

"Seriously, him… You're sure?" Tom asked hopefully.

Kate's brow furrowed as she looked down at her shoes.

"I'm not sure of anything at the moment, but I've got to see where things go," Kate answered truthfully.

"Yea, okay. I get it," he sighed in defeat. "And if I came on a little strong back there, well it's just… you're just so… Anyway, I guess I'll see you around. Have a good time tonight. You deserve it," he said sincerely.

"Thanks, Tom."

Kate watched as he walked away. She knew he wasn't the guy for her, but she couldn't help but feel a little badly for him.

_He's just too nice._

She turned, her eyes locking on Castle as he sulked near the other end of the room, holding a half eaten cupcake and frowning. The whole brooding bit fortunately worked in his favor, making him look unbelievably sexy. Kate suddenly found she had a case of nerves herself. Her mind had finally put the pieces together: Lanie's comments about him breaking up with Gina, Castle's statement earlier in the day about missing her, and now, watching the interaction between him and Demming, it was obvious he was wrestling with some new found emotions himself. It was unlike Kate not to have a plan, but at that moment her mind was surprisingly quiet. All she knew was that she found herself being drawn over to where Castle stood.

"They're really good," Kate said, grabbing hold of his wrist with one hand and breaking off a piece of the cupcake for herself with the other.

Castle looked at her fingers on his wrist and he nearly dropped the pastry. His eyes instantly lightened and his heart leapt a little closer to his skin at the feel of her touching him. She so rarely touched him that he found he almost couldn't talk.

"Yea… they are," he said swallowing hard, the lump in his throat unmoved. "Used this recipe a lot when Alexis was in grade school."

"I had no idea you could bake," Kate said, releasing his wrist and touching her fingers to her lips to rid the tips of the crumbs.

"Yeah, well, contrary to the upbringing by my mother, I'm actually pretty domestic. And while desserts are my specialty, you should know I cook pretty well too," he said moving a bit closer to her. "You should let me cook for _you_ sometimes instead of getting take-out all the time," he said quietly, nudging against her gently with his upper arm.

"Hmm… let's see your bartending skills first? How about that drink?" Kate said, pulling at the loose strand of hair that had fallen into her face and turning towards the bar.

"Yeah, sure," Castle said, throwing the towel around his neck, his spirits lifted as she seemed to have forgotten his earlier comments to Demming about 'the action'. No sooner had that thought crossed his mind than Kate did an about-face, grasping the two ends of the towel around his neck in one hand and jerking rather forcefully downward so that his face was directly in front of hers, nearly touching.

"Be careful what you say about getting in on the_ '_action' with me… I have a black belt you know…" she said, patting his cheek with just enough force that he felt a slight tingling on his skin.

"No, I, um, didn't know that…" Castle mumbled.

"And Castle…" her voice almost inaudible.

"Yes…" he gulped. Her face had never been this close to his except in his fantasies. He saw her gaze flick to his lips for an instant.

"Thanks for the cupcakes," she said before releasing her grip on the towel and linking her arm around his as they continued to the bar.

**A/N: Hey, everyone! ****4 more days till NEW Castle! ****This chapter has been through more rewrites than I care to mention. It was originally one gigantic chapter of 5400 words, but I've split it now into this one and the next. I'm still not happy with the end of the next one, so we'll see how long before I update, but it's almost done. ****Thanks for reading and please review!**

**For those who don't like to be harassed about voting for Castle, stop reading now... Don't forget to vote from now until Jan. 3rd for Castle as Best Show of 2010 on E!Online's poll (we're in the final round vs. Supernatural). Just google "castle eonline poll" and it's the 3rd link down that says- "Vote vote vote". Thanks!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Because I haven't said it in a while: I don't own these characters.**

"So what are you in the mood for?" Castle said, reluctantly dropping her arm and walking around to the inside of the kitchen as she sat on a barstool looking in at him over the bar.

"Umm, I dunno… surprise me?" Kate answered.

He scanned the available alcohol, and settled on a bottle of sparkling wine.

"Alright," he said, peeling the foil wrapper from over the cork. He figured now was as good a time as any to start the inevitable conversation they needed to have and he opted for the 'no frills' approach.

"Gina and I broke up today," he said at the same time as he twisted the cork of the bottle off, causing a loud 'pop'. Kate jerked a bit, partly from the sound of the cork, but also from the news that Castle had just dumped on her.

"Oh?" was all Kate could manage as she studied his face for a clue as to what this meant. Even though Lanie had already mentioned the potential breakup, she was still a bit shocked at Castle divulging this truth. Kate suddenly felt her nerves kicking in at the thought of where this conversation was headed. She watched him pour some of the bubbly liquid into a martini glass, followed by some pomegranate liqueur, creating a deep blush color in the glass.

"Yeah, well things between us had been a bit… _off_ for a while now." He paused, turning to open the refrigerator.

"Wonder if Lanie has any pineapple juice… Ah-hah!"

He grabbed an already opened can from the fridge and added a splash to the mixture. Stirring the glass with a stir stick, he presented the drink to Kate on a napkin.

"Yea, so… the last half of the summer was kind of a mutual personal hell for the both of us, and everything finally erupted today," Castle said, shrugging his shoulders a bit. He longed to tell Kate that, in truth, his personal hell and been spending so many months apart from _her_, but he quickly thought better of it, not wanting to spook her. Every second he spent in her presence was testing his will power, though, and he didn't know how much longer he could keep his emotions in check.

"Well, sorry it was so… difficult for you," Kate said, dipping her head slightly. She didn't know what to say exactly and she wondered where he was going with this. Was he just telling her about the break up so she would know he was single and leave it at that for now? Or, was he going to press on and delve into where he stood as far as his feeling for her went?

While part of her yearned to hear how Castle felt, to have him finally say it out loud without dodging behind allusions or suggestive comments, another large part of her didn't feel ready for a discussion of _her_ feelings just yet. The friendly banter and teasing up to this point was safe. It was familiar and she retained some control that way. She didn't know if she would have any control at all if sentiment started to dominate the conversation. It had taken her all day to finally reign in her emotions and she didn't want to submit to them at this moment, especially at the party.

She eyed the drink pensively and Castle watched as her fingers tore at the corner of the napkin anxiously. She wasn't making eye contact anymore.

"Aren't you going to taste it? It's delicious, I promise," Castle said encouragingly.

Kate sipped the drink. It was sweet, but not overpoweringly so, and yes, delicious.

"Wow, that is good," Kate said, taking another taste. She tried to savor the sweetness of the pineapple juice on her tongue, but instead she was distracted by her heart pounding in her chest as she watched him grab a beer and come around the bar to stand beside her.

He leaned towards her, grinning, with a captivating twinkle in his eye. His forearm rested next to hers on the bar, brushing against her ever so slightly. "It's called a _flirtini_." He said it in such a way that left no room for doubt: his choice of drink for her was made with purpose. "It was made famous on 'Sex and the City,'… at least that's what my mother told me," Castle added quickly, taking a swig of his beer. Kate opened her mouth to speak, but he held up his hand, cutting her off.

"No! Don't say it! I know what you're going to say: _Geez, Castle, you're so metrosexual_," he said, mocking the tone and cadence of her voice.

The teasing tone in his voice put her at ease for a moment. Kate swung her crossed legs around to face him, giving him a smirk. Castle couldn't help but notice that her legs were now mere inches from his hand, and it took all his resolve not to reach out and run his finger along her smooth skin.

"Ha-ha," she laughed dryly. "_Actually_, I was going to say, 'thanks for the drink'."

"Oh. Well, then. You're very welcome. Cheers. Here's to a happy birthday, Kate. " He touched his bottle to the martini glass softly. "Hope it's a memorable one," Castle murmured. He watched her struggling to stifle a deep breath and then, made the mistake of looking into her eyes. They held both sorrow and passion, and in that instant he knew all hope of self-control was lost. He inhaled sharply at the unrelenting desire to pull her close and kiss her breathless right there. He started to lean towards her, but caught himself just in time. Instead, his hand moved slowly towards her leg. Kate's eyelids fluttered a bit as she felt his hand rest on her bare knee, caressing it with his fingertips, causing her to shudder involuntarily. Feeling the sensation of her trembling beneath him, he boldly shifted his hand over the fabric of her dress, up her leg and finally around her waist. He gently slid her off the barstool so she was standing, almost flush with his body, his eyes still centered on hers.

"We need to talk," Castle said in a low voice. His eyes had the same intensity from earlier in the day at the courthouse, something primitive skimming beneath the surface.

"I thought- -we were- talking…" Kate managed to puff out between breaths, feeling very aware of their proximity, but unable to make herself back away. She felt the riptide of emotions from the day's events pulling her further away from her comfort zone and towards the abyss of longing that she had been trying to avoid all these months. The physical situation didn't help matters either as he moved her closer with his hand on the small of her back. Kate inhaled deeply at the sensation of him touching her through the thin material of her dress. She felt her abdominal muscles tense, as a deep ache ripped through her. She tried to dismiss the agreeable thought of him touching her bare skin, twisting a bit in his embrace. Castle loosened his hold slightly, feeling her trying to move.

"In private…_please_, Kate," Castle heard the pleading undertone to his own voice and he realized just how deep his feelings ran, how much he _needed_ her to know how he felt. He never begged, at least not for simple conversation anyway.

She felt and heard the urgency of his voice, and nodded in agreement, leading him past the crowd of people that had congregated in the living room. Someone had brought a karaoke machine and the crowd was cheering on Lanie doing a fairly good rendition of an Aretha Franklin song. Castle rested his fingers on the small of her back as he followed her to a small room just off the entry way that Lanie used as a sitting area. There were two lounge chairs opposite a small loveseat. Kate sat down on the loveseat and Castle shut the door and then settled in next to her. He waited a beat and then turned to face her. Her body hummed with anticipation and she was almost visibly shivering.

"Kate…" he started, then slowly brought his hand over hers, squeezing it gently.

Kate closed her eyes briefly, but didn't move her hand.

"I didn't tell you the whole truth back there…" he started, scooting closer to her.

"About…" Kate said, her breathing now slightly uneven.

"Gina…we broke up, well, partly because of _you_," Castle said, now rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb.

"Because she doesn't like you working with me?" Kate's arm twitched a little as she watched him take her other hand in his, bringing them together and covering them with his own.

"No, not that… it's because well, even she sees this _connection _we seem to have_, _this _attraction_ I have to you …" Castle's voice trailed off as his hand suddenly cupped her cheek, forcing her to look at him. Over the years, she had stared into the eyes of hardened criminals, distraught family members, ruthless killers. She had seen and felt a gamut of emotions through people's eyes. But nothing could have prepared her for the look radiating from his in that moment. It was more powerful than anything she had ever felt before- pure adoration, warmth, and desire. She hadn't experienced anything this real since the anger and despair in the months immediately after her mother had died, and, for one of the few times since her mother's death, Kate was intimidated by the consuming power of it all.

She breathed deeply. There was no question she shared his feelings. The attraction, the connection they were yanking at her sanity. So why was what he was saying eliciting such uncertainty?

"Kate, god, I _missed _you…" Castle said, stroking her cheek softly with his finger.

_No, I can't… we can't…_

Kate rested her fingers on top of his hand that cradled her cheek, squeezing gently. His hand was surprisingly soft against her and she closed her eyes in astonishment at the feelings he was stirring up with this simple gesture. She turned her head, tenderly pressing her lips to his palm before bringing his hand down to her lap and releasing it.

"Rick, I'm sorry, I just don't think I can, not right now… I just… today has been…" She moved to stand, not finishing her thought.

Castle hopped off the couch. He was not going to let her push him away that easily.

"Why not now? I know you feel the same way as I do, Kate. I _know_ it. I _feel _it," Castle said, grabbing her hands again.

"Come on, just give me a _chance_. _Us _a chance. That's all I'm asking for," Castle said, urgency straining his voice.

"I'm not saying 'no', I'm just saying… I need… I need to _think_, okay?" Kate said earnestly, loosening her hands from his grip.

Castle knew she was fighting it, overanalyzing it like she always did, especially when it came to the important things in her life.

"And what if it's not okay? What if I don't want to give you time to think? Listen, just tell me what you're _feeling_ right now." Castle said a bit defiantly.

Kate sighed in frustration.

_God, he is so _maddening_ sometimes._

"Fine. You want to know what I'm feeling. I'll tell you. I'm feeling _confused_ that you show up today after I haven't heard from you in _months. Months, _Castle! And it's my birthday today… I don't even know where to begin…" She paused, she couldn't go there right now or she would lose it completely. "… and, and...I'm feeling _overwhelmed_ that you broke up with your ex-wife-girlfriend-whatever-she-is and you say it's because of _me_…" Kate rambled off the day's events starting to feel a bit exasperated. "And to top it all off, you baked me _cupcakes_…"

He looked at her slightly perplexed. "Kate, I know you said nothing birthday-related, but, well I just couldn't help myself. And, besides…I thought you liked my cupcakes." He made a pitiful face of disappointment that had Kate's heart melting.

Kate shook her head, smiling a bit because even she had to admit, she couldn't be upset about the cupcakes. She sighed, grabbing his hands and giving them a squeeze. "I did like them, I _loved_ them_. _It's just you… you left, Castle. And I dealt with it...I had to rethink things, become okay with it…" Her eyes dipped down as she saw him flinch slightly.

_I'm such a liar. I never dealt with it, just buried it all until today._

He watched her fiddling with her bracelets anxiously. He couldn't believe she had ever completely adjusted to him being gone all summer. He wouldn't.

"And now you're back, and you just swoop in and start messing around with my…"

_Heart._

She paused. Castle studied her face intently, looking for direction in her expression. She furrowed her eyebrows a bit, but didn't continue.

"I know. I _know _I left. But I thought about you, Kate. You have no idea _how much_ I thought about you, all the time really, probably verging on unhealthy. And you're right. It seems like a lot- me back, me dumping all this on you. But I know you're feeling something else too…" he coaxed, pulling on her hands.

She let herself be pulled to him. He wrapped his arms around her, and she allowed her head to rest on his chest. She felt herself breathing more evenly, soothed by his touch.

_Damn it. Why is he so good at making me feel _so good_?_

His shirt was still fairly damp, but she could feel the heat of his body escaping it, penetrating the bare skin of her arms and causing her to become almost limp in his hold. She felt him lay a soft kiss on the top of her head and let her eyes close.

She felt more relaxed than she had in months and her mind began sifting through the endless clutter of her heart. She wanted him, no _needed _him as a partner, friend, and now she finally recognized, as something more. She did want to be with him, want to cast aside all the pain she carried with her and just be with him.

Pain. The thought of loss, _her_ loss, rocked her out of her relaxed state for a split second.

_Why do I suddenly feel like I need him so desperately? I'm just feeling lonely because it's _her_ birthday, my birthday. God, I want her back so badly… I want _him_ so badly. I need…_

Kate took a few deep breaths, _finally_ surrendering to the truth that she had been battling with all these months.

"I need you," Kate whispered against his chest. She squeezed her eyes tightly for half a second breathing in his scent, hoping to imprint it on her mind. Her head lifted and she peered up into his face expectantly.

She had said those three words so softly, that at first Castle thought he had imagined it. When it finally registered, he gave her the slightest of grins before she dropped her head and leaned her forehead against his upper chest, breathing deeply, and feeling surprisingly at ease with their simple embrace.

Now it was time for Castle's mind to race. He wanted to believe that meant they were on the same page, but he thought surely that couldn't be the end of the discussion. Did she really mean she was giving him a chance?

"Kate, do you mean… do you think…I mean, are we…"

"Castle, please, no more talking for now, okay?" She suddenly felt very tired. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and gave him a solid squeeze before looking up at him with an eyebrow raised. "You know, I forgot how persistent and _exhausting_ you can be sometimes…" she said jokingly.

He smiled a little, knowing she was trying to lighten the mood, but he could also hear the hint of fatigue in her voice and see it in her eyes. He knew she was still holding back, that there was something else burdening her, but this same intuition also told him that this moment was not the time to question her.

"Okay. So you wanna go back to the party then? I think I hear Esposito doing some Ricky Martin, and I'll have you know I do a mean Madonna…" he said grinning.

She chuckled a little. "Why doesn't that surprise me?" She shook her head, narrowing her eyes. "Alexis's influence, I'm sure."

"Of course! Any single father of a teenage girl worth his salt knows all of _The Immaculate Collection_," he said with as serious a face as he could muster.

"Well as appealing as that sounds, I think I'm all partied out tonight," she said releasing herself from his arms.

"I'll take you home then…?" The statement came out more as a question and he immediately wished he could say it again with more intention. Now that he had been around her tonight, now that he had held her, letting her leave would be pure torture.

"Fine, but no funny business," she said, tilting her head for emphasis.

Now he was _certain_ something was amiss, but he was going to go with it for now.

"Really?" he said, his eyes widening. "I mean, not because I think this means I'm accompanying you for any other purpose than to make sure you get home safely because my intentions are purely honorable…"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Ha. This from the man who not an hour ago was looking for some _action_."

"I hope you know… I would never assume that _I_ could just …that _we _would just…" Castle fumbled apologetically.

"Relax, my courteous Casanova," she said sarcastically. She gave him a pat on the chest and took his hand in hers. "I'm too tired to fight with you about taking me home, which also means I'm too tired for any of the aforementioned _action._"

Castle stood as if his feet were in cement, shocked that _she _had grabbed his hand. Only Kate tugging on his arm snapped him into walking. Kate glanced in the living room and saw Lanie was snuggling up to Esposito, and she quickly decided she would just call her friend later. They exited the apartment and started down the stairs.

Kate snuck a look at Castle's face as they descended and she could see he was having an internal debate over something.

"Spit it out, Castle."

"Just answer me one thing…"

"Fine," she said, just a hint of annoyance to her tone.

"What _is _your definition of 'action' anyway?"

She stopped and turned to him at the bottom of the steps, shooting him a quick scowl. "Okay, now I am serious. No more talking."

He smirked a little, making a zipping motion across his mouth with his thumb and index finger, and then, mimed locking his mouth shut before handing Kate the invisible key in her already outstretched palm. She couldn't hide her grin at his antics.

He winked back at her, happy that he had earned a smile after all, then grabbed her hand and led her out into the damp night air.

**A/N: So this is probably the most difficult chapter I've ever written. I don't mind some angst/emotional turmoil, but at one point I felt like it was getting to be too much, so I rewrote a lot of the last part. Then I felt like it went too fluffy, so it went through a few more rewrites... and such was my internal struggle for the last week. I'm not sure it ended up very well, the characters were fighting me the whole time, so it is what it is. Don't be too harsh if you think Kate seems kind of OOC, after all, she's had a rough day... Thanks for reading!**

**P.S. Next Monday CANNOT come quickly enough!**


	11. Chapter 11

Castle clasped her hand in the back of the cab, trying to wrap his mind around the fact that she was letting him touch her in _this_ way for _this_ _long_. He occasionally would give the palm of her hand a soft brush with his fingertips partly to make sure she was real and he hadn't slipped into one of his fantasies. Kate responded to his touch with a slight upturn of the corner of her mouth as she gazed out the window and by tightening her grip ever so slightly as if to say 'Yes, I'm still here'. They both had remained in a comfortable silence for the entire 30 block ride back to her place, the only sound the methodical rub of the wind shield wipers against the glass as they cleared the misty rain that had begun to fall again. He focused on her as she stared out the window. Castle told himself he was respecting her 'request' for him not to talk, but in reality he knew by the way her brow furrowed every now and then that she was still trying to sort something out. He found it difficult not to ask her more, but he had pushed her into revealing a lot already and he didn't want to screw it up now.

Kate could feel him watching her and, for once, she didn't mind. Her eyes followed the small beads of water that coalesced on the glass and watched as they slowly dripped down the window in mini-rivers. Kate loved the city when it rained at night. The sidewalks were fairly empty for New York with much of the pedestrian traffic being driven into cabs or subways. The city lights popped against the shiny surfaces everywhere she looked. She felt Castle's hand relax a bit and her eyes darted back to the man next to her, his head now tilted back slightly against the back of the seat, eyelids drooping a bit.

_Looks like I'm not the only one who's had a long day._

She smiled to herself as he half-slept; she couldn't recall a time when he had ever remained quiet _this_ long. She turned her head back to the window, seeing that they had made it onto her block. Her eyes closed feeling the weight of her hand joined with his resting in her lap. It was somehow reassuring, grounding…safe. Giving his fingers a soft squeeze, she released his hand as the cab pulled over in front of her apartment building. The wet brakes squeaked loudly and the sudden stop in the cab's momentum lurched Castle out of his semi-slumber.

Castle swiped his credit card to pay the cabbie as Kate exited the vehicle, tiptoeing over a large puddle. She turned to face her chaperone and tell him goodnight, but stopped, slightly confused at the sight of him paying.

"Why are you paying? You'll never get another cab in this weather," Kate questioned as he started to exit the cab.

"Oh, I'm not going back to my place just yet," Castle said as shut the cab door and grabbed her hand again. He looked up at the sky as a bolt of lightning flashed. The drizzle turned into a steady rain on the cue of the thunder that followed.

"Castle…" she said warily as he instinctively pulled her a little closer to him at the loud rumbles overhead. The truth was she wanted him to come up, but she didn't trust herself alone with him at this point. It wasn't that she was opposed to advancing things physically. Lanie hadn't been lying- it had been awhile, a long while, but Kate wasn't one for one night stands, even though she knew that wouldn't be the case with Castle. She also didn't want to cheapen what had transpired between them tonight just for the sake of ending her dry spell. She never wanted to have cause to regret anything with him.

The temptation was strong though, each raindrop hitting his shirt only serving to torture her a bit as the material started to cling to his broad shoulders. Kate blinked her eyes a few times, trying to focus on something other than the way he had started to run his hand up her arm to prevent her from pulling away.

"Come on, let's at least argue where we won't get soaked or killed by lightning," he said, leading her to the stoop of the building. The small overhang failed to offer the protection they sought as their bodies were bathed in the increasingly heavy rain.

"I promise, I'm just coming up for a few minutes." He said it seriously, but there was an unmistakable glimmer of hope for something more in his eyes. She looked at him suspiciously, shaking her head as she watched a trickle of water drip down his cheek.

"Fine you can come up… for a _few_ _minutes_," Kate said pulling her hand from his as she fished in her purse for her keys. Castle smiled as he watched the shorter layers of her damp hair fall into her face as she looked down in her purse. Several large wisps of wet hair clung to her neck just above her collarbone and Castle pursed his lips at the temptation to kiss her there. She finally found her keys and they walked into the entry way, making their way onto the small elevator. Kate glanced at him as he ran a hand through his hair, now nearly black from the rain. Even in the poorly lit space, his darkened hair contrasted with his blue eyes, making them appear more brilliant than ever. Kate found she was only able to break her gaze when he caught her staring.

"What?" He gave a sly grin as she jerked her head away. For the second time that day, he was alone with her in the confined space of an elevator and it was only getting more difficult not to kiss her. Instead he focused on the display that flashed the floor numbers, feeling his body temperature rising with each floor. The elevator arrived at the 6th floor and he followed her to her apartment door, trying not to stare at the way the damp fabric of her dress hugged her hips.

She opened the door, tossing her purse and keys on a small table next to the door and flipped a wall switch, dousing the dark apartment in a soft yellow glow. Castle took a few seconds to let his eyes adjust, seeing the soft colors that dominated the palate of the room, the exception being her massive dark wooden book shelves that she had somehow salvaged from her previously destroyed apartment. The books spanned from ceiling to floor, covering almost an entire wall.

She headed towards the kitchen, stopping to toss him a hand towel from a hamper that sat outside the doorway. "It's clean, just haven't had time to fold it. Want a drink?" She grabbed a towel for herself and rubbed it along her arms and neck.

"Sure, whatever you're having." He walked in further to the living area as he spoke. "I like the new place here. When did you move anyway?" He knew she had sublet a place not far from the station immediately after the explosion that had nearly killed her, but he hadn't realized she had finally found a more permanent place.

Kate glanced at him from the kitchen as she searched for her corkscrew, watching as he ran the towel roughly over his head, causing his hair to crisscross in all directions.

"Fourth of July weekend. I already had it scheduled for vacation time, so I used it to move since I didn't want to miss any more work. Be glad you were in the Hamptons or I would have made you help! It was awful, so ridiculously hot, and to top it off the A/C wasn't working when I moved in _and_ the super was gone on vacation. Basically I moved all my stuff in and then ended up staying at Lanie's until they fixed it."

He listened to her voice from the kitchen as he walked to the bookshelf. Smiling, he saw she still had it organized by genre. He trailed his fingers along the spines, past the classics and modern fiction and finally paused at her vast section dedicated to art. He recalled how he had occupied the night the first and only time he had visited Kate outside of work until tonight. He had stayed awake most of the night flipping through her collection of books on art and art history as he 'stood guard' on her couch while she slept. Some of the books were obviously used for studying in college with handwritten notes in the margins. Fluorescent sticky notes were still in place on some pages for what he assumed were her favorites. There were also several books on painting and drawing technique that had the occasional smudge of charcoal on the pages, which had led Castle to conclude that she had dabbled in sketching or painting in the past.

He snuck a peek towards the kitchen where she was pouring wine into two glasses, pausing to gather her damp hair back up in the clip. In a lot of ways, so much of her life was still a mystery to him despite his years of 'research'. The prospect of learning more about her, though he knew it would be a challenge, made him feel unbelievably happy at that moment. His eyes returned to the bookshelf, catching the unmistakable stain of smoke on the covers of many of the books. His mind unexpectedly flashed images of the fiery explosion he had witnessed 6 short months ago. He flinched a little as a hollowed out sensation crept into the pit of his stomach. It was the same feeling he had when he stood on the street watching the flames pour from her windows, thinking he had lost her forever.

"See anything you want to borrow?" Beckett asked from behind him. He turned to see her holding out a glass of wine to him.

"Nice collection, but it seems to be lacking a certain something…" he said accepting the wine from her with a grin.

"What, no comic book section?" Kate said sarcastically, moving a little closer to him.

"Well that too. But I was actually referring to all the Derrick Storm books. Did they get destroyed in the fire?" He sipped on his wine, watching her run her fingers along the foot of her glass, contemplating her response.

"Well, they had some smoke and water damage, but most are still readable. They're just on the _other_ bookshelf…" she said rather mysteriously.

"Other bookshelf? Where could you possibly fit another bookshelf like this?" His arm swept up and down to emphasize the sheer size of the shelves.

"No, it's not as big as this one. There's a smaller shelf with a few of my favorites… in my bedroom," she said walking around him towards the couch.

Castle couldn't help himself. "So you like taking Derrick _to bed_ with you then?" Castle said cheekily, setting his wine glass down on the coffee table.

She turned swiftly back to face him, squinting and suppressing an eye roll. "Ha-ha. Guess I set myself up for that one."

Castle paused a beat, then shook his head in agreement. "Pretty much."

"Yeah, well, I guess, Derrick and I do have a history…" Her voice drifted off slightly along with her eyes. _If only he knew what kind of history_. Her face that had been joking flashed a hint of seriousness as she remembered all her sleepless nights in the months after her mother's murder, only made bearable by the adventures of a fictional man created by the very _real_ man that stood before her. "He was always around when I needed hi-," She stopped herself in mid-word and refocused her gaze on Castle, "…when I needed an escape." Kate forced a smile as she took a sip of her wine, attempting to cover her little moment of reflection.

Of course Castle had noticed the subtle change in her voice and expression and he couldn't shake the gnawing feeling that something was still troubling her. His mind recalled her earlier comments referencing his absence over the summer and the sting of how she had 'gotten used' to him being gone.

_Maybe part of it is that she's still upset about me leaving her to go to the Hamptons with Gina._

He felt that he needed to reassure her that he didn't plan on _ever_ leaving her like that again. He took her wine glass from her hand setting it next to his and for the second time that night when he did something rather bold, she didn't protest.

"Kate, I need to know what's going on. Something's obviously bothering you and I think I have an idea what it's about…"

She looked up at him, seeing the genuine concern in his eyes, but also realizing that he didn't, he _couldn't_ possibly know what she was feeling, how this day had been for her. He also couldn't know how she was longing to have him touch and kiss her, make her forget. She felt herself focusing on her breathing.

"I need you to hear me when I say this, okay?" Castle said. "It's bothering me…what you said earlier about you having to rework things, get used to me not being around…and I want to say that I'm sorry that by trying to make myself feel better I caused you pain. And while I tried to make myself move on, I _couldn't_ get used to missing you…and I don't intend to miss you like that again. Ever. You need to know how deep this goes…"

Kate looked down as he intertwined his fingers with hers and softly kissed the back of her hand. He moved a step closer to her. He smelled like rain with the faded scent of his cologne still lingering about him. His hands moved to her upper arms, anchoring her in place. She lifted her head, focusing on how his breathing had quickened to match her own. Castle stared at her, completely absorbed in the moment. He wanted to memorize everything about her- the feel of her soft skin under his fingers, the slight quiver of her body as she struggled to adjust to his touch, the soft flush of her cheeks, the way her eyes searched his face trying to predict what he was going to say next.

"Do you want to know what I missed about you?" He began in a hushed tone, moving one hand to her hip and gently forcing her body to close the remaining gap between them.

Kate finally found her voice. "Castle…" She exhaled his name from her lips as she concentrated on the feel of him against her. Her dress was still damp causing his hand to feel especially warm and inviting to her skin underneath.

He looked into the pools of her hazel green eyes, noticing for the first time tiny flecks of yellow-gold lining her pupils, now slightly dilated from the relative darkness of her apartment. He moved his other hand to her face, tracing his thumb along her cheekbone, just below her eye.

"I missed your eyes," Castle said. Kate closed them instinctively, feeling self conscious at his proximity. Castle brushed his lips above one eye and then the other. She held her breath at his touch, but didn't move away.

"I missed your adorable nose," Castle said his mouth inches from hers, and he planted a light peck on the tip.

"I hate my nose," Kate whispered almost inaudibly allowing a small smile to cross her lips as his breath tickled her skin.

"I missed this little beauty mark." He kissed her cheek, keeping his face next to hers as he continued. "I missed this part of your neck, right…" He kissed her skin just below her jaw cautiously. "Here…" he said, returning his lips to taste her again, this time drawing her skin into his mouth ever so gently.

The pressure on her neck was more than she could take. A low whimper escaped her throat as she felt a rush of pleasure cascade from where his mouth teased her neck down into her chest and stomach. He sighed into her hair in response, removing his lips slowly.

"Do you know what I missed _most_ about you though?" he murmured into her ear.

Kate felt her head move side to side slowly, eyes closed, as she regained control of her breathing briefly.

Castle moved his face so it was right in front of hers and surprised her by gently kissing her forehead.

"This," he said his lips talking against her skin. "I missed how you think, your determination to be the best at everything you do, your freakish tenacity at…"

Kate pulled back a little with an amused smile plastered on her face. "'Freakish tenacity'? Are you calling me stubborn?"

"No, definitely not. _Obstinate_ is more like it," Castle said seriously but his smile mirrored hers. She laughed genuinely at his choice of adjective.

"Oh yeah, and the thing that comes in a very close second- your laugh," Castle said looking in her eyes again as his mouth hovered near her lips, hesitating briefly. "I intend to make you do _that_ a lot more." Kate felt him pause and her hand somehow found its way behind his neck, encouraging him gently. That was all he needed. He brought his mouth to hers tenderly, tentatively. Her fingers kneaded his neck as a shallow moan of need escaped her mouth sending a jolt of energy through Castle's body that rocketed straight to his core. She felt his grip on her waist tighten, pulling her into him as his kisses became surer and progressively deeper. The taste of chocolate lingered in her mouth and he groaned a little as he slipped the hand resting on her hip to the small of her back and pressed her hips closer to his, wanting to feel every nuance in the way she responded to his touch. He felt the curve and suppleness of her breasts on his chest as she melded her body to him. The warmth of his solid build caused her to tremble a bit, and he gradually softened the kiss. As he traced her neck with his finger, he felt her shiver again and he realized for the first time that they were still in their damp clothes. He broke the kiss to Kate's surprise, resting his lips on her temple. She stood silent, her breaths shallow, still gripping his shoulder.

"Sorry, it's just, your dress is all wet and you're shivering," Castle said rubbing her arms up and down with his hands in an attempt to warm her. "You've even got goose bumps."

"I think that's partly _your_ doing, actually," Kate said. She leaned towards him, intending to give him the lightest of kisses, but as soon as her lips hit his, they both deepened the kiss almost instantly. This time _he_ shuddered at how perfect she felt. He broke from her briefly, speaking to her between the surge of kisses that followed.

"Well… I definitely… have ideas… about how… to warm you up…but…" he walked her backwards a little, towards the couch. He broke the kiss again, knowing if he continued kissing her like this he wouldn't be able to control his desire to feel her skin without their wet clothes between them. He wanted more of her, _all_ of her, but he knew that kissing her was big, _huge_ even , and he could be satisfied with that at least for tonight.

"…I'm not going to push my luck just yet," Castle said, stilling them both as he wrapped his arms around her in a warm embrace.

Kate took a deep breath and smiled into his chest. Even though he was driving her absolutely mad inside, she was glad that he seemed to have elected to slow things down on his own. He impulsively reached up and released the small clip that held her hair back and watched as damp tresses fell onto her shoulders. He gently ran his fingers through the ends, once again amazed at how much it had grown over the summer.

"I like your hair like this…" he murmured, pulling her head closer so he could smell her.

Kate looked up at him, feeling more secure with him in that moment than she had with any other man in a very long time. She needed to tell him. She wanted to tell him. "By the way, I lied earlier. I never got used to you being gone," Kate said almost losing her voice again as she looked into his eyes. "I missed you this summer… almost as much as I miss her today…" She continued, almost whispering now. "I normally don't tell anyone, but… it's her birthday too." She pulled away slightly, feeling the physical pain rise and snap at the back of her throat. Castle didn't have to ask who she was referring to. For some reason in that instant, staring into Kate's eyes, Castle found himself wishing he could have met Johanna Beckett.

Kate broke from his embrace and lowered herself on the couch, pulling an afghan off the back and around her body. She curled her knees up as an invitation for him to sit. They both remained silent for a few minutes, the sound of the rain tapping against the window with each gust of wind outside. His eyes searched the pattern on the afghan, as if the right words to break the silence were somehow woven into the intricate design of the yarn that covered her.

Castle moved closer to her on the couch and touched the top of her foot. "I guess I've been pretty self-centered this whole day, huh?"

"What do you mean?" Kate asked, confused by his comment.

"I mean, I kept pushing you, even though I knew _something_ was bothering you at the party. I just assumed it was _me_ and that, well, I could charm you anyway."

Kate paused a moment, a thoughtful expression painting her face. "Well, that's not a terrible assumption. After all, most of the time it is _you _bothering me," Kate said grinning, at the same time giving his leg a playful nudge with her foot.

He smirked at her. "You know what I mean. I should've known that I wasn't the only thing making this day a trying one. Nothing about you is ever that simple."

"You got that right," Kate half-snorted. "Although, sometimes, I wish my life was more simple."

Castle frowned and shook his head in protest. "No way! If you were simple, I wouldn't like you as much as I do." He grinned. "And besides, '_Simple _Heat'?" He shook his head again. "It just doesn't have the _pizzazz_ of a best-seller," he said winking at her.

Kate smirked, nipping at her lower lip. She loved how he somehow had the ability to turn even the most depressing of conversations around and make her smile.

He grinned back at her for a few seconds, but then his eyes turned serious. "But, all joking aside, Kate…if I could make it hurt less, I would."

Kate heard the sincerity in his tone and felt her emotions swell within her, but this time she channeled them into an energy and confidence that had been lacking in her personal life for some time. She rose to her knees and leaned forward, her weight resting on her hands which now straddled Castle's hips. He reclined his back slightly against the arm rest. She leaned her head in closer, angling her mouth just in front of his, but maintaining eye contact.

"Well, looking back there were some good things about today…"

Castle swallowed hard as he caught a glimpse of the strap of her dress sliding down her shoulder as she leaned over him. He forced himself to look back into her eyes.

"Like what?" Castle murmured just before she kissed him slowly, pulling his bottom lip into her mouth.

"Those cupcakes for one. They were _decadent_." She pushed her lips against his again briefly before continuing.

"What else?" Castle asked as she moved her hands up to his shoulders, leaning part of her weight on his chest.

"Well, the party was fun. Lanie's mojitos were good… but the _flirtini _was excellent." She kissed him lazily, relaxing the full weight of her body on top of him. Castle gripped her waist for dear life; she was driving him crazy.

"You wanna know what the best thing about today was though?"

"Hmm?" Castle murmured into the skin of her neck as he nipped at her softly.

"You…" Kate brought her mouth to his and smiled as she kissed him firmly. She broke away, pushing up slightly and smoothed his wild hair back with her hands. Her eyes glinted with mischief and she grinned widely. "…especially when you came crashing through the door from the balcony. That was hilarious." She chuckled to herself, ruffling his hair again and moved back to her end of the couch.

Castle narrowed his eyes at her. _Such a tease._

"Well, glad I could _entertain_ you this evening," Castle said faking a pitiful pout and running his fingers through his hair.

Kate stood, grabbing his hands and forcing him to stand as she pecked him on the mouth. "You know I meant it. You were the best part of this birthday, so…thank you."

He smiled at her. "Well, you're very welcome." He glanced at his watch and sighed. It was getting late and if he didn't take the opportunity to leave now, he knew he wouldn't. "I guess I should get going, huh?"

"I guess…" Kate pulled him in for a hug, not wanting him to leave, but realizing she was already rushing things with him compared to her usual pattern with men. She normally didn't kiss like _this_ on the first date, and technically tonight wasn't even a date. Then again, nothing with Castle was ever _normal_.

They walked to the door and he paused giving her one last, spine-tingling kiss that left Kate feeling like she might explode from the sheer want she felt for him.

"I'm going to take you out tomorrow night," he declared as she opened the door for him to leave.

"Oh, you are, are you?" she mused at the sudden authority in his voice. It was sexy as hell.

"Yes. So be ready at 6:30," he instructed, giving her hand a squeeze before releasing it.

"And what if I have other plans?" Kate said raising an eyebrow at him.

Castle shrugged confidently. "Cancel them. I guarantee you'll have more fun with me…" he said raising his eyebrows playfully.

Kate shook her head biting the inside of her cheek. He was incorrigible.

"Fine. Where are we going?"

"Nuh-uh. It's a surprise. All I'll say is that you should dress casually and in clothes you won't mind getting messy."

Kate eyed him skeptically. "What do you mean _messy_?"

"Just trust me, okay?" Castle smiled at her as he walked backwards down the hall, watching her squirm a little. He knew she hated not being in control.

"Fine. But if there is any mud-wrestling involved, I will kill you…" Kate said shooting him an icy glaze from the doorway.

Castle stopped with one foot in the air, taking a few steps back towards her door. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Mud-wrestling? Where did that come from! Don't tell me you've…"

"Wouldn't you like to know…" she said with a sultry grin. "Goodnight, Rick." She winked at him, turning her back to the hallway and simultaneously twisting her arm behind her back to unzip her dress as she nudged the door closed slowly with her foot. The last thing he saw was her bare back taunting him as she sauntered back into the darkness of her apartment.

Castle exhaled slowly.

_This is going to be fun._

**A/N: Hey, everyone! Sorry for the long breaks between updates. Life has been busy, busy. Anyway, hope you liked this installment. Next will be their date- I think Kate's gonna like it.**

**I'm sad there's no new Castle tonight, but there's been a rush of new fic after that episode last week (Can we say YOWZA!), so I guess that'll have to tide us over. Thanks for reading! -KB**


	12. Chapter 12

**Castle belongs to the wonderful AM & Co. over at ABC.**

* * *

_Well that's just great._

Kate flinched a little as she applied a Band-Aid to the small nick on her knee inflicted by a dull razor combined with a large case of pre-date-with-Castle nerves. She glanced at the clock, shrugging complacently to herself as she realized that she was running late and wouldn't have time to blow dry her hair completely. Castle had texted her a few hours ago, instructing her to "dress-for-mess" as a teasing reminder, so she supposed it didn't matter too much what her hair looked like. It was already mostly dry just from having it down while she had done her make-up, so she clipped it into a loose bun, securing it out of the way for whatever activities Castle had in-store for their date tonight.

She slipped into the oldest pair of jeans she owned and then pulled on a grey scoop neck long-sleeved knit shirt, the fabric especially soft against her skin from the dozens of washes it endured. After locating her wallet and phone she placed them into the pocket of a lightweight jacket just as she heard a knock on the door to the beat of "shave and a haircut". She smirked, opening the door unceremoniously and taking a deep breath to try and calm the butterflies flitting around her stomach.

"Hi," she said smiling. She took a moment to see that he had taken his own advice and was dressed casually in a faded navy blue v-neck t-shirt and jeans. The shirt hugged the contours of his shoulders and upper arms perfectly causing her to grin a little wider at the memory of his arms around her the night before.

"Hey," he said pausing to take her in. Even in the simplest of clothes, she still managed to take his breath away. He shifted the paper grocery sack he carried from one hand to the other as he stepped inside, suddenly feeling his hands starting to sweat a bit.

After the whirlwind of events the day before, he had returned home and finally had time to think about everything that had transpired between them in the last 24 hours. His exuberance at finally having Kate open up to him had subsided, giving way to insecurities that always seemed to surface with every new relationship since his last divorce. While to the public he was Richard Castle, millionaire-chest-autographing-I-wear-my-sunglasses-at-night-playboy, deep down his heart was forever scarred by his two failed marriages and lack of any meaningful romance since his divorce from Gina.

Despite his marriage to Meredith ending due to _her_ infidelity and Gina divorcing _him_ for reasons that had compared their life together to a bad business venture, Castle still blamed himself on some level for the demise of both of these relationships. Looking back, he knew that with Meredith he had been too young to know what he really wanted in a partner, not to mention the fact that Meredith lived by an "all play and no work" philosophy. While they definitely shared passion, even love, when Castle had started focusing more on his writing after their first year together, she soon found other ways to "entertain" herself, having flings with several different directors on her various B-list projects.

Thinking he would learn from that mistake, he had made sure that the next woman in his life would be comfortable and supportive of his career: enter Gina, the anti-Meredith. "Work" was her religion, her mantra, and she had made sure to keep Castle's tendencies to incorporate a bit of fun into the work day in check, at one point even going so far as to get rid of his laser tag guns and erasing his _Monty Python_ movies from his laptop.

So as Castle stood in her doorway reflecting on his mistakes with women, he knew how incredibly fortunate he was to have met someone like Kate. He knew that if _he_ didn't do anything to screw things up, understanding of his work would not be an issue with her; she had her own career after all. Balancing work with excitement and passion definitely wouldn't pose any problems for them either, if last night's little make-out session with her was any indicator. But perhaps most importantly he felt that he could laugh with her. Anyone who had seen them work knew that they had _fun_ together, even if it had been mostly case-related up to this point.

Despite the obvious chemistry he felt they shared, he found keeping his nerves in check on the ride over more than a little challenging. What if she didn't like what he had planned for tonight? What if the conversation didn't flow? He always felt like communication was a strong part of their work relationship. But what if it didn't extend past that?

And, his worst fear of all: what if she began to reconsider how she felt about him? What if she was just going out tonight as a friend, not wanting to hurt his feelings? After all, yesterday had been a flood of emotions, especially for her, and maybe now that the dust had settled, she wasn't really ready to take a chance with him.

His racing thoughts were getting the best of him until she smiled warmly at him, her eyes darting downwards as a finger reached idly to twist a loose strand of hair around it. He could see she was a bit nervous too and the hair twist was definitely her tell. It suddenly made him feel more in control.

"Hope I'm dressed appropriately. I kept it simple," she said, suddenly feeling self-conscious as she knew her words were inviting him to study her clothes and, by default, her body.

"_Simple_? I wouldn't choose that word. You somehow manage to make jeans and a t-shirt look _anything_ but simple. You dress down very nicely, Detective," he said returning her smile, his confidence bolstered by the way her cheeks instantly darkened at his sincere, but tame compliment.

"Well, I don't know about that, but I followed your instructions, so this is what you get," she said motioning up and down her body. It took all his self-control not to make a comment about him "getting" her body, but he was going to try and hold on the innuendo for at least a little while. However as she turned to grab her jacket off the couch, he couldn't help his eyes from doing a quick check of her backside. She turned around more quickly than he expected and she knew from his line of sight exactly where he had been looking. She decided to let it slide since she had been checking him out earlier too after all.

"So where are we headed anyway and what's in the sack?" she asked stepping towards him and reaching to open the top to catch a glimpse of what it contained. He grabbed her wrist at the last second, bring the sack out of her reach.

"Ah, ah, ah. No peeking. You'll ruin the surprise," he said pulling her a bit closer now that he had ahold of her. The fact that she was letting him pull her that close and maybe even leaned in a bit, he took as a good sign.

_Definitely not just friends._

"You're no fun you know. Just go with the flow," he said, dropping his voice noticing how near her face was to his. She pulled her wrist free, but made no attempt to step back, her nervousness suddenly squashed by her desire to know what they were doing tonight. She decided to try and use her power of seduction over him to reveal their destination.

"Oh, I'm fun, Castle. I'm _lots_ of fun...when I'm in the mood," she said breathily as she moved her face closer so that her lips were practically brushing against his. At the same time her hand traced across his chest and down his arm to the hand that held the sack. Castle closed his eyes briefly, but stepped back just as her hand reached his wrist, smiling back at her.

"Nice try, but nuh-uh," he said triumphantly. He truly was proud of himself for resisting the temptation to kiss her. "Come on," he said taking her hand as her face dropped, unsuccessfully hiding her defeat. "The place we're going isn't far, just a few blocks in fact. That is if you can wait that long, Miss-I-Hate-Surprises," he said sarcastically as he dragged her from the apartment to the elevator.

They made their way to the street and began the short walk to their destination. He had dropped her hand to open the door and he cursed himself as he missed his opportunity to grab it again as they started walking. He felt like the 15 year old version of himself as holding her hand was suddenly all he could think about. His distracted thoughts were not helped by the fact that the back of her hand gently brushed against his fingers every few steps or so as they continued down the sidewalk.

He remembered how soft her skin had felt and how invigorating it had been to have that closeness with her in the taxi, but he wasn't sure how she'd feel about the same intimacy in public. From what he had come to know about Kate Beckett in the last 18 months, he reasoned that she wasn't a PDA-type of woman and even though he considered hand-holding a mere blip on the intimacy scale on most dates, this was decidedly _not_ like most first dates. He was still debating it in his head, when she unknowingly decided to make it easy for him, brushing against his hand purposefully before looping her hand under his arm, instantly bringing a smile to his face.

They soon approached what appeared to be a renovated warehouse with a small wooden sign hanging outside the front with the letters "P&P" carved in relief in a cursive script on the cherry-stained wood. He paused at the door and turned to her.

"Well, this is it," he said holding the door open allowing her to enter first. The first thing she noticed was the familiar smells of acrylic paint mixed with the faintest hint of incense. Several rows of tabletop easels and stools were arranged facing a platform towards the back of the room. On top of the platform stood two full sized easels, one with a blank canvas and the other holding what appeared to Kate to be a picturesque country scene of flowers in a field.

Her eyes scanned to the side of the room and focused on a long table on the far wall. It held several large metal tubs with wine and beer nestled in an icy baths along with some barware arranged to the side. There were already about 2 dozen other people there- a mix of several other couples, a few mingling singles and some groups of friends that congregated mostly by the wine table. Kate didn't quite know what to make of it all and Castle decided to pull her aside and explain just what they were going to be doing.

"It's called _Pinot and Picasso_," he said as he watched her study the room. "_Pinot_ because you bring your own wine, hence this." He paused, pulling out a bottle of wine from the paper sack. "Although, I brought a Cab, 'cause I prefer it to Pinots myself," he tacked on, his speech a bit rushed as he felt his nervousness suddenly returning with a vengeance. Kate listened to him as she walked to an easel at the end of the back row and took a seat on the stool, focusing on the blank canvas.

"It's run by local artists and college art students. They walk you through it as you paint something that's actually worthy of being displayed. That's the _Picasso_ part," he said as he slipped the bottle back into the sack coming over to stand behind her, unable to gauge her reaction just yet. "Although you might not need as much as help as some, judging on the books I read at your apartment..."

She swung her face around towards him. "Books you _read_...when?" she said curiously, her face hiding a smile.

"I wasn't snooping, I promise! You remember that night that I spent at your old apartment before it, you know..." Castle hesitated, hating the memory that this conversation was conjuring up in his mind.

"Blew up?" Kate finished for him matter-of-factly, standing to face him completely.

"Um, yea, that," Castle said sheepishly.

"Yes, I remember," Kate said her mouth twisting into as smile as she stepped a bit closer. "You came over to 'stand guard', armed with a bottle of wine as I recall," she said, her smile seeping through a little more now.

"Hey, I was there to protect you! I stayed awake most of the night you know," he huffed defensively, faking a hurt look to which she rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I needed something to keep me up and I didn't want to risk waking you by turning on the TV or anything, so I occupied my time by looking through some of your books. I saw the ones on art again last night and I had heard of this place... I thought you might enjoy it. All this time...you never mentioned that you paint," he said hoping that she would confirm his suspicions.

Kate's heart warmed at the obvious thought he had put into the night and she was again surprised at how unexpected he could be. But she was also reminded of the reason she had stopped painting.

"Well, technically _painted_-past tense," she paused, sitting back down on the stool, still facing him. "I started painting in high school and I was going to study art and art history in college, but then my mom...and, well, I kept the art history and traded the art for criminal psychology."

She hesitated a second, looking up to meet his gaze. She expected him to question her, push her along as she had grown accustomed to with the years of his "research", but instead he was silent. She couldn't remember the last time she had told someone about this part of her life, but she found telling Castle was surprisingly easy, and not only that, she _wanted_ to tell him. "I figured studying the pathology of psychopaths would serve me better in law enforcement than knowing how to prep my palette."

_But that doesn't mean I haven't missed this._

She breathed in deeply, feeling oddly relaxed and excited to finally get the chance to paint after all this time. She had thought about taking it up again, even buying some supplies shortly before her old apartment had been destroyed, but her new place just didn't have enough space to set up even a small studio, so she had put the idea on the back burner again. She looked back up at Castle who looked uncharacteristically serious and concerned.

She forced a small laugh, trying to lighten the mood. "Bet you'd never have guessed this about me, huh? After all, _artist_ and _cop_ are essentially opposite ends of the spectrum, right?"

The rest of the people had started to take their seats at the easels, so Castle came around to sit on the stool next to hers. He felt a rush of panic, suddenly afraid that he had screwed up by inadvertently bringing up memories of yet another part of her life that her mother's murderer had stolen.

"I don't know... I mean, I could see you as an artist- introspective, yet observant of the world around you..." he said softly. Her eyes shifted, focusing on his hand as it came to rest lightly on her knee with a gentle squeeze. "Sorry if this is bringing up difficult memories, maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all..."

Realizing she had given him the wrong impression, she smiled affectionately and placed her palm over his hand, rubbing the back of it reassuringly. "No, no! This is going to be great! I _love_ it," she said enthusiastically, the happiness clearly flooding his face at the sight of her smiling.

"Really?" he said cocking his head skeptically.

"Yes, really!" She lowered her gaze a little. The truth was it was probably the most thoughtful and original first date she had ever been on and it was making the desire to plant a big kiss on him all the more difficult to resist. She felt color creeping up her neck and cheeks at the quiet desperation brewing just beneath her skin at the thought of how much she wanted to feel him again.

"You're...It's _perfect_," she said meeting his eyes again, nudging his leg with her knee. He smiled back at her, finally convinced that she was telling the truth.

"Now, go get us some glasses so we can try that Cab before we start painting," Kate said with a wink, turning back to her canvas and selecting some brushes from a jar sitting on the table between their easels.

Castle grabbed the sack with the wine and headed over to the table where he found a corkscrew and glasses. As he opened the bottle and poured the wine he couldn't seem to get the grin off his face. _Perfect_.

He grabbed the last of the smocks hanging on a hook near the table and returned with the wine in hand to find that a mini palate with green, white, red, blue, and yellow paint had been placed at his easel by one of the artists leading the class. He handed Kate her wine glass helping her put on her smock and then took his seat on the stool.

One of the artists had made their way to the raised easel at the front while 2 others circled the room to offer more individualized instruction. After two of the instructors introduced themselves as art students at NYU, the woman at the front introduced herself as, Kim, a local artist who would be leading the session. She began to walk them through the first step which was to divide the canvas into 2 parts by marking the horizon.

For a few minutes Kate followed the instructions Kim gave as she simultaneously demonstrated on the canvas for everyone to see. But Kate quickly found herself getting lost in the soothing movements of her brush strokes and the warm colors of spring blending seamlessly on her canvas, inadvertently creating her own unique country scene.

"Hey, you're jumping ahead. You're going to make everyone look bad, you know?" Castle said with a grin as he saw her already moving on to the blushing pink and red flower tops.

"It's not a competition, Castle," she said, grinning back at him. She glanced at his canvas that was still practically blank. She lowered her voice and leaned towards him, her shoulder knocking up against his as she spoke. "But if it were a competition, I'd be winning."

Castle shook his head and spent the next few minutes observing her as he had so many times before while she worked at the precinct. But he quickly noticed that _this_ Kate Beckett was quite different from any he had seen before, and he found himself mesmerized by the unexpectedly carefree nature she was revealing to him. She seemed so relaxed that he almost felt a twinge of something that could only be described as regret realizing that this was the first time he had witnessed her so unguarded. But the regret was quickly replaced by a little swell of pride within his chest as she seemed to be truly enjoying his choice for their first date. The instructor's voice caused him to glance up to the front and he saw that he had fallen behind the rest of the "class". He peeked at Kate again from the corner of his eye before he reluctantly turned back to continue his own more awkward efforts on the canvas.

Kate had felt Castle's eyes studying her, something she was used to by now, but just like in the cab the night before, the hint of annoyance that usually pricked at her skin when she caught him staring never came, and instead she found herself almost smiling. She took a moment to reflect on her own work and she couldn't help but feel pleased with herself as she drained the remaining sips at the bottom of her wine glass.

"More wine?" she asked grabbing Castle's glass and heading to the wine table to refill their glasses without really waiting for a response. She returned a few moments later and decided to sneak a look at her partner's progress as she approached from behind. She brought her lips between her teeth, and had to stifle a laugh as she saw him attempting to fill in the field with flower stems, but instead it was looking more like a solid sea of green. He felt her presence behind him and glanced over his shoulder with a smile, letting his hands fall in exasperation.

"This is a lot harder than it looks," he said scanning the room to compare his progress with others before taking his wine glass from her and downing a few quick sips. His eyes found Kate's canvas last and he realized that while he had been so busy staring at her earlier, he had failed to notice the fairly impressive transformation that the once white canvas had undergone.

"Wow! I'm seriously impressed," he said genuinely, gawking a bit at the painting. She had roughly followed the design at the front of the room, but her painting had taken on a life of it's own as she had used her brush to add more depth by playing with the lights and darks of the field. She set her wine down on the table and came back to stand behind him, studying his painting a bit.

"Yours is, uh...unique," she said, a rare Beckett-laugh sprinkling her voice. She saw his shoulders sag a little and she decided to take pity on him, leaning her head down so it was perched just over his shoulder as she watched his attempts.

"I think you need to use shorter, more delicate strokes to create the effect of grass," she said extending her arm and overlapping her hand with his fingers where they grasped the brush, thus blunting the movements of his hand just a bit. She felt him tense a little as her torso met his back and was pleased when a little tremble ran up his arm as she continued guiding his hand gently in slow up and down strokes.

She could smell his after shave and she couldn't help the little summersault her stomach did as she lowered her voice, bringing her mouth closer to his ear. "Mix a little of that white into the green on the side, then you can paint over the darker parts and that way you'll get more of the effect of individual stems and leaves of grass."

She moved her hand to his shoulder, allowing him to mix the color, but keeping herself positioned just behind him as he followed her instructions. Slowly, the field began to take shape. "Yea, like that, short and delicate. See? Looking better already," she said squeezing his shoulder softly, and allowing her fingers to brush the nape of his neck as she brought her lips back to where they were practically touching his ear. She heard him swallow hard and saw his hand jump creating a little blip in the otherwise vertical lines of the grass.

"You're a little tense there. Relax, you've got to be able to _feel_ it..." she said with just a hint of throaty seduction to her voice, her lips grazing the skin just below his ear just before she stood suddenly and returned to her stool. He swallowed hard again as he felt an ache in his throat, closing his eyes for a few seconds as he tried to suppress all the mental images he had of her lips touching other parts of his body.

When he looked back at her, she appeared completely unfazed, painting and humming a little to herself as if nothing had happened. He was just about to make a comment about her "help" when he felt a presence behind him again and turned to see the artist that had been leading the class standing behind Kate, obviously admiring her work.

"That's _really_ stunning..." she said coming around to Kate's side. A few people near them turned their heads to see what the instructor was referring to and Kate suddenly felt self-conscious.

"Oh, thanks," she said setting her brush down as her face instantly felt warm.

"I'm Kim Molson by the way," she said shaking Kate's hand. "I'm one of the founders of _P&P_, my nickname for our humble little establishment," she said grinning at Kate.

"I'm Kate Beckett and this is Rick Castle," Kate said as Kim turned to shake Castle's hand. "This place is really great by the way. I've lived in New York my whole life and I've never been somewhere like this before," she said turning back to the young woman.

"Thanks. We're pretty proud of it. We've been open almost 2 years now and we're thinking about opening another small studio closer to Uptown in the next 6 months. We'll have to see how it goes. How did you hear about us then?" she said still looking at Kate.

"You'll have to ask him. This was all his idea," Kate said gesturing towards Castle.

Castle smiled back at her before turning to Kim. "Well, I had read the piece in the _Times_ a few months ago about how part of your profits go towards art programs in the public schools and then I found out recently that she likes to paint," Castle said glancing back to Kate with a grin as he spoke. "So this seemed like a good cause and a unique place for a date, so here we are."

"It is unique, that's for sure. And the arts can always use more funding," Kim replied, turning back to look at Kate's canvas. "Well, you obviously don't need my assistance, so I'll let you get back to work." She shook Kate's hand again before she turned in Castle's direction.

"Yours however..." she joked looking at Castle's canvas, her eyes growing a bit wide at the half-finished canvas. "Well, I'll just leave you in _her_ capable hands. Who knows? Maybe some of her skills will rub off on you," she said winking at Kate. "Nice meeting you both," she said before turning back and heading to the front of the room to lead them through the last part of the painting.

"I remember my high school had terrible funding for its art program. That's really great how they give back," Kate said facing her canvas again.

"Mhm," Castle nodded in agreement, pausing a beat, suddenly donning a mischievous expression. "You know, just because I'm not the next Monet, doesn't mean I don't have other _skills_ with my hands. In fact, I have lots of skills that I could show you," he said cheekily. Kate bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling, not quite sure if this was some lame attempt at innuendo.

"Oh yea? And just what, pray-tell, are these _skills_? And _typing_ doesn't count," she said raising an eyebrow with a grin as she continued to paint, adding wisps of clouds in the sky as the last element of her painting.

"Well, I throw a mean pizza dough for one," he said with his eyes glancing to the side to gauge her reaction before he paused from his painting to mime throwing the dough in the air. In his eagerness to make her laugh, he momentarily forget that one hand still held the paint brush, so little flecks of paint red-orange paint soon went flying on his clothes and canvas.

"Hey, watch it over there, Mr. Pollock!" Kate laughed, instinctively shielding her painting from any stray paint with her hands.

Castle could feel the paint spots on his cheeks and forehead and looked down to see several larger drops against the dark background of his shirt.

"Oops, forgot my smock," he said rubbing his fingers against the fabric, which only served to smear the paint on his chest and transfer some to his hands.

Kate shook her head at him, but grinned ear to ear at how serious he could be one minute and how goofy he could be the next.

"What else, pizza-boy?" Kate said curiously.

"I can play the piano," Castle said sitting a little taller in his chair as he began painting the sky a a periwinkle blue.

"Like what? _Chopsticks_?" Kate asked dryly.

"Haha. So funny. I'll have you know that I actually took lessons from kindergarten until I was nearly 13, so I really can play _if _I ever decide to show you. But since I haven't played in years, you may never hear it. I wouldn't want you to make fun of me and crush my frail ego," Castle said switching brushes to add the clouds.

"_Frail ego_? Ha!" Kate exclaimed, turning towards him and throwing her head back a bit.

Castle ignored her laugh, continuing to paint as he spoke. "And my final skill, Detective, is that I give a mean back rub, which I have no doubt you would _very_ much enjoy, again, _if_ I ever choose to show you," Castle said looking at her out of the corner of his eye with a sly grin.

"Done," she said as she added the final fluff of white cloud to her sky. She then leaned towards him from her stool and whispered, "Oh, I'm not worried. If I choose, I have ways of getting what I want out of you, Castle." The sensuality suddenly enveloping her words caused him to turn towards her just in time to catch her nibbling on her lower lip. For a split second, he was sure she was going to kiss him but then she pulled back abruptly, taking one of the small paint brushes that had been soaking in the cup of water and flicking it with her wrist to sprinkle his face lightly with water. She snickered a little before standing to take the cup of brushes over to the small storage closet that contained a sink for rinsing out the rest of the paint.

"She is _sooo_ going to regret that," Castle muttered under his breath with a smile as he watched her go, completely entranced by the to-and-fro of her hips as she walked away.

He shook his head to snap out of his little daydream and quickly finished the remainder of the painting, suddenly noticing that he was the only one still working and that most of the people were cleaning up or gathering their coats to leave. He grabbed his paint brushes and hurried over to the storage room where the door stood slightly ajar, angling his head so he could see that Kate was alone and not five feet in front of him with her back to the door.

She finished rinsing the last of the brushes and reached for the soap to wash the paint that now stained her fingers. His original idea of using a little paint to get her "dirty" as payback for the water in the face quickly evaporated as he watched her creating a fluffy white lather on her hands over the sink. He decided then that getting her "clean" would be so much more enjoyable for them both.

He entered the storage closet slowly, closing the door carefully with one hand behind his back, before he took one giant step towards her. He stood just behind her, raising his arms slowly to wrap around her upper body before gliding his hands down her arms, and pressing her into the edge of the sink gently. He felt her tense a little and heard a soft gasp of surprise escape before he covered her soapy hands with his own. He felt her arms relax but she stood a bit taller in his grasp, trying to regain her composure.

She spoke evenly, despite the little ripples of heat running through her skin. "I bet you think you're pretty stealthy, huh? Well, I heard you..."

It was all she could manage before she felt his lips press gently against the slope of delicate skin where her neck met her shoulder. Her brain was suddenly blank, any snide remark she had planned to say completely lost as she instead focused on how he took one of her hands between his. He massaged each finger slowly, rubbing away the remaining paint gently with the pads of his fingers before stealing some suds and turning his attention to the other hand. A few moments later he brought their hands, now gloved in white bubbles, under the tepid stream of water from the faucet, allowing his hands to travel up her arms as high as the rolled sleeves of her shirt would allow. The warmth of his hands and body behind her made her feel limp and very grateful that she was propped between him and the sink.

As he gently rinsed their hands, Kate felt as if her last bit of her self control was being washed down the drain with the remaining suds from their now intertwined fingers. When his lips found the opposite side of her neck again, she smiled pressing back into him a bit, her body demanding more. She felt his breath escape in a rush over her shoulder, the sound drowned out by the beat of her own heart drumming in her ears and the patter of water against the metal sink.

As much as he wanted to continue his teasing of her, he realized he was also torturing himself because he wanted to kiss so much more of her. But they were standing in a fairly public space, even with the door shut, and someone walking in on them necking was not on his top five list of things to do on a first date. He decided to distract them both by focusing on something other than his desire to spin her around and kiss her.

"We should, uh, probably get going if we're going to make dinner. Are you hungry?" he whispered reluctantly in her ear taking a step back.

She turned and watched him as he dried his hands with some paper towels and grinned at the splotches of paint on his shirt and a small remaining streak on his cheek. Her mind was still trying to calm her body down and in that moment she was surprised by how quickly the tables had turned. She was also amazed at how she had gone from fighting back tears at the mere thought of him a short 36 hours ago, to the present moment where she was fighting back both the physical and emotional desires that he had somehow managed to coax out of her since the party the night before.

It was all more than a little overwhelming, but despite her rather perplexed state, she found her head shaking 'yes' in answer to his question about dinner, even though the last thing on her mind was food. He handed her some towels to dry her hands and let her exit the storage room ahead of him, collecting their jackets before thanking Kim and the art students for their help.

"Hey, we almost forgot the paintings," Kate said as they reached the door.

"Oh, they're still drying. I'll swing by and get them later this week," he said holding the door for her. It was just past dusk and the street lights were starting to come on. Despite the little bit of hand foreplay he had sprung on her just minutes ago, he still felt a brief wave of doubt about whether he should offer his arm or attempt to touch her in some way now that they were in public. She had already wandered a few steps in front of him, so used to being the one in the lead during their investigations, but her pace slowed abruptly as she half-turned her body towards him, casting her face in shadows from the light behind her.

"I just realized I have no idea where we're going," she said absently, extending her hand to him as if it were the most natural thing in the world. He grinned to himself, the last of his insecurities buried with the feel of her hand firmly in his grasp.

"Hey, do you think you need to change? You got a little...messy," she said glancing at the paint streaks down the front of his shirt.

"Nah. I'll be fine," he said with a shake of his head as he guided her across the street.

"Really?"

"Yes," he said shaking his head at her insistence to be in control and always question everything, but also smiling because he found this tenacity both amusing and attractive.

"Are you sure? Because you can't see all the paint that's still on your _face_," Kate said unable to contain her laughter.

"Ha-ha. Yes, I'm _sure_," he said as he concentrated on the sound of her laugh, finding it oddly arousing.

"Well, _I_ might want to change. I think I should know where is it we're..." The question was cut off abruptly as Castle stopped mid-stride, turned and covered her mouth with his own. His lips were warm, but hers were warmer and he felt his stomach knotting instantly. They each breathed a little heavier as the thought of skipping dinner altogether crossed both of their minds. The kiss was brief, but powerful, and Kate found herself leaning into him, suddenly not caring about the paint on his shirt or face, or the fact that they were standing in the middle of the sidewalk kissing like teenagers.

He pulled back, bringing his mouth to her ear, trying hard to control his desire to wrap his arms around her waist and maybe even sneak a hand under her shirt to feel how her skin compared to the velvety fabric that covered it.

"So, are you _always_ this controlling on first dates?" he asked with a sly grin, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb teasingly.

"Do you _always_ kiss like that on the first dates?" she countered, eyebrow raised.

"I asked you first," he said forcing himself to take a small step back from her.

She paused a moment before answering. "Yes," she said matter-of-factly with a slight shrug of her shoulders.

He shook his head in amusement. "Well, can you do me a favor? Make an exception tonight and just relax," he said starting to walk again. "Trust me." He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"I trust you." She smiled to herself, feeling her heart warm a bit. She realized that she really _did_ trust him, and not just with the choice of restaurant.

"And in answer to your question-no. I usually make it a point not to kiss like that on first dates, but after last night..." he stopped, not wanting to state the obvious of how incredible kissing her had been and how he had hardly slept at all last night thanks to her. "Let's just say, I was willing to make an exception in your case."

"Well, I'm glad we're both making exceptions then," Kate said sarcastically, nudging him a bit with her shoulder for emphasis.

"But, before we get to dinner, you should know there is one thing I won't compromise on..." Kate said, her voice suddenly sounding rather serious, to the point where the hairs on the back of Castle's neck started to stand on end with nervousness.

"Oh, what's that?" Castle asked warily, slowing their pace.

"Dessert," she said with a deadpan face. "I _always_ choose."

"Ha! Well, that may be a problem because I _love_ dessert and I don't know if I can let you _always_ _choose_," Castle retorted.

"Well, then. Don't bother trying to make anymore _exceptions_ like you did back there tonight," Kate said with a devious smirk, implying he would not be getting anymore kisses from her unless he yielded to her demand.

Castle sighed loudly, contorting his face with a hint of exasperation at how easily she manipulated him. "Fine. You win."

Kate laughed softly, finding his pouty annoyance at the first trivial battle in this new side of their relationship somehow endearing. She leaned into him a bit as she spoke. "But _next_ _time_, you get to pick."

His face instantly lifted at her admission that there would be a second date. He pretended to mull over her words a bit before shooting off his response. "Okay then. Friday at 8. I choose ice cream."

She rolled her eyes, realizing she had walked into that one.

"You do know that we haven't eaten dinner let alone dessert _tonight_, yet you're already talking about dessert on the next date? Isn't that a little forward of you, Mr. Castle?" Kate asked with a formal tone to her voice, batting her eyes a little at him in jest.

"Well, as my mother in her infinite wisdom always says, 'I'd rather be forward than backward'," he recited with a hint of sarcasm.

"Fine. Friday. Eight. Ice cream," Kate answered succinctly, admitting her own defeat. "Now let's go eat. All this talk of dessert is making me hungry."

"As you wish," he said with a wink as he led her in the direction of the restaurant, smiling to himself and feeling quite clever at how he had "tricked" her into committing to the second date.

Little did she know, he still planned on ordering his _own_ dessert.

* * *

**A/N: Long time, no write. :( Well, not entirely true- I've been writing, just *slowly*. Anyway, this was a fluff-filled (but long-yeah!) chapter. A little "getting to know you" stuff, since this is technically at the beginning of season 3 (yes, I started this in September!).**

**I'd love for some feedback- good/bad/ugly/pretty/so-so. Anyway, more fluffiness to come... ****And for those of you who ask about my updates and continue to read- thank you, thank you, thank you. Seriously. :) -KB**

**P.S. "P&P" is my rip off of "Pinot's Palette"- a place that *really* exists and is SOOOO incredibly fun if you like to paint but don't really know how. I've been to the one in Houston- I think there are some other one's scattered about, but not in NYC to my knowledge. :)**


	13. Chapter 13

They watched from the relative safety of their vantage point in the break room, feeling sorry for the poor tech support guy on the other end of the phone who was getting his ass handed to him by Beckett for the second time that day. Her computer had been freezing up on her as she entered the final reports into the database for the upcoming audit, and her patience had just run out. Of course they both knew that it wasn't just the computer being on the fritz that had her a little more snappy than usual.

"Man, she's been edgy these last few days," Esposito observed, turning from the blinds to fill his cup with coffee. "Reminds me of the old Beckett."

"The_ "_old Beckett"? Refresh my memory- when exactly did we trade her in for the newer, improved model?" Ryan replied dubiously, flinching a little as she slammed the phone down in its cradle and pushed her chair back from the desk forcefully, grabbing her cell phone as she stood.

"Aw, come on, bro'! Isn't it obvious? The way she keeps checking her phone when she thinks no one is looking. That's how she was at the beginning of this summer when he was gone too. And how _serious_ she's been all week long. Definite "B.C. Beckett".

"_B.C. Beckett_?" Ryan asked quizzically.

"Yea. B.C. Before Castle_,_" Esposito said matter-of-factly. "All work, no play."

Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "I suppose."

"Come on, man! She's a different person since Castle's been around. I mean she still kicks some serious ass. _Definitely_ glad I'm on her team, not on the other side. But Castle, he just makes her more..." Esposito turned back towards the coffee maker, just in time to see Beckett's figure at the door way, hand on her hip, looking more than a little annoyed at him.

"He makes me more _what_, Esposito?" she said with a less-than-amused glare usually reserved for the currently absent writer-in-question when he was pushing her buttons.

"Busted..." Ryan said under his breath as he attempted to breeze past Esposito, slowed by a playful punch in the shoulder from his partner as he made a beeline for the door.

Kate shook her head, unable to suppress the beginnings of a smile they had brought to her face for maybe the first time all week. She helped herself to some coffee and sighed with disgust at her behavior. So Castle hadn't called. So what? She'd done almost 4 months, what was 6 days in comparison? She sighed, the truth quite apparent: he meant more to her now. The more she thought about it, the intensity of her feelings since his return surprised her. Hell, _everything_ about his return had surprised her. The way they had run into each other at the court house. The way he had listened so patiently as she came to terms with the emotions surrounding her birthday. The way he had obviously put a lot of thought into their first date... the way he had kissed her.

She could feel Esposito staring at her as she took a sip of the coffee, almost choking on the bitter liquid that was leftover from the late morning brew. She avoided his eyes, electing to drink the unappealing beverage rather than be forced to talk to him. There was more truth in Esposito's words than she cared to admit. She _was_ different when Castle was around. Better somehow. The problem was that he _wasn't_ around at the moment, and though she hated admitting it to herself, she really missed him, even if she was annoyed at him for going incommunicado again so soon.

He had texted her from the road the morning after their date at Pinot and Picasso to let her know that he was headed back to the Hamptons to grab a few forgotten items from his house and to take care of some "unfinished business" before most of the shops closed up for the off season. He had also indicated that he would call her "soon". Apparently his definition of "soon" was quite different from hers, and of course Kate was just stubborn enough to hold him to his word, resisting the temptation to break down and call him first. She knew it was petty, but she'd be damned if she gave in.

She sighed as Esposito turned away from her to answered his cell phone, and thought back to earlier in the day when she had started to feel a gnawing sensation in the pit of her stomach. Maybe something bad had actually happened to Castle. Maybe he was hurt and that's what was preventing him from calling her. But her fears were soon quelled when she caught Ryan checking Facebook, pointing out the "awesome pics" of a party that Castle had posted from the night before.

_Unfinished business my ass_, she had thought sitting back at her desk and scowling at the paperwork that greeted her there. This was just before her computer had frozen the second time around and she had decided that she officially hated today.

"So, Friday night. You got any big plans for tonight, boss?" Esposito said, sliding his phone closed and coming around to face Beckett as she glanced down at her own phone absently.

"No," Beckett said turning to look towards the elevators, almost expecting Castle to breeze through at any moment. "Apparently not," she added under her breath, knowing that Esposito had heard her, but too frustrated to care. She was actually more frustrated at herself and how she had let him take ahold of her emotions in such a short time. They had gone out on _one_ date after all. It wasn't like they were in a relationship or anything, so why should she expect that he would call her while he was gone? The entire summer was evidence to the fact that he wasn't exactly the best correspondent, but the romantic in her had thought that maybe, just maybe, this time around would be different.

Esposito pocketed his phone and turned to study his fellow detective and friend as she stood in silence. He had known Kate Beckett for almost five years now, working with her the entire time he had been a homicide detective. He admired her grit, her intensity, her perseverance. But damn, she was stubborn sometimes. He knew that the summer without Castle had been torture for her, and by extension it had been rather unpleasant for he and Ryan as well. But unlike this summer, he could see now that she wasn't just angry, she was _sad_. While he had caught on that something was different between she and Castle after witnessing them getting cozy at the bar during Lanie's party, seeing Beckett's reaction to Castle's absence now was just the confirmation he needed that the mystery writer had finally wormed his way into her heart. He smiled as he watched her frown into her mug pensively.

_What she needs right now is a _real _drink._

"That was Lanie on the phone. We're going to go grab a beer at The Shield in a bit. I think Ryan may come too, if you're interested," Esposito said pouring the rest of the coffee down the drain and rinsing the pot.

"Yea, sure. Why not," she said half-heartedly. She walked over beside him, pouring the stale coffee from her mug into the sink and cursing silently as she was reminded of how Castle always made her a fresh cup of espresso in the afternoons so that she wasn't forced to reheat the inferior precinct blend from the morning pot.

"I was going to text Castle, see if he wants to come meet up with us too," Esposito announced, testing the waters. He turned to catch Beckett's profile, the slight pursing of her lips the only indication she had even heard what he said.

"Yea, well, good luck getting him to call you back," Beckett said as she exited the break room, the annoyance spilling into her voice of its own accord.

Esposito shook his head with a smile. So _that's _why she was so snippy. It's not just that Castle was gone, he hadn't called her. Again.

"Castle, Castle, Castle," Esposito muttered under his breath, pulling his phone out to text the writer about their plans and maybe drop a hint that he should give his muse a call sooner rather than later. "When will you learn, bro'?"

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Beckett entered her apartment almost three hours later feeling exhausted. The buzz from her two and a half beers was quickly fading and all she wanted to do at that moment was take a warm shower, turn on some soft music, and fall into bed. She had stayed at the cop bar longer than she originally intended, mostly because she wanted to prove to herself that she could have a good time without Castle around.

And she had. For a while at least. She drank and laughed and played darts, even flirted a little with an off-duty guy from narcotics who paid for her drink. He had been bold, kissing her on the cheek and slipping a napkin with his number on it into her hand as she left. While she had been flattered, the napkin had found the trashcan as soon as she got home, her mind and heart still clearly preoccupied by thoughts of Castle as she found her body gravitating towards the bookshelf in her bedroom almost immediately. She pulled out one of his well-read hardbacks from the shelf, flipping it open to the folded over portion of the dust jacket that contained his bio and picture. His piercing blue eyes stared back at her for a few seconds before she slammed the book shut and slid it back on the shelf, heading to the bathroom to wash away the tension of the day.

She had just stepped out of the shower and into her favorite silk purple robe when she heard her phone beep indicating that she had a new voicemail. As she retrieved the phone from the kitchen, a firm knock from behind the front door caused her to let out a small yelp, nearly drop the phone in the process. She stood frozen for a few seconds, a surge of adrenaline coursing through her body as she looked down to see Castle's name filling the screen as it began to ring again. The pounding on the door returned, this time accompanied by a male voice.

"Kate? It's me. Are you okay? Kate?" Castle's voice questioned from behind the solid wooden door. Even though it was muffled, she could still hear the tinge of panic due to her lack of a response.

"Kate?"

She sighed, silencing the ringer. Of course he would show up now, just when she was finally feeling relaxed. She slid the chain lock from the door, opening it slowly. Castle stood there for a few seconds, stunned by the image of her in the robe that came barely to mid-thigh. Her cheeks were flushed from her recent shower, hair still damp and loose around her face. She cleared her throat self-consciously, feeling his eyes focusing on her legs.

"Castle, it's late. What are you doing here?" Kate asked curtly, noticing that he was carrying an insulated grocery sack. She stepped back from the doorway, effectively inviting him in as she took the sack from him.

It was then that Castle really looked at her face. Although Esposito's text had hinted that she was not having a good day, it only took a glimpse of her fiery eyes to realize that she was annoyed about something. He smiled meekly, seeing no change in her expression. Make that _really_ annoyed. He removed his jacket and made his way into the kitchen behind her, racking his brain and trying to think of what he could have possibly done to cause this type of reaction. After all, he hadn't even been in the city in almost a week. He decided he'd take the approach of acting oblivious to her death stare and see if maybe she'd cool off on her own.

"It's Friday night- ice cream, remember? I brought _homemade_ ice cream from my favorite spot in the Hamptons- Dottie's Place. You didn't think I'd forgotten our date, did you? I've been looking forward to it all week," he added lowering his voice and giving her a half-smile.

Kate sighed, finding her anger lessened a few degrees by the prospect of homemade ice cream and by the fact that he had remembered their date. However she wasn't ready to let him off the hook just yet. "Honestly, I'm quite surprised that you remembered," she said softly, feeling more hurt than angry at this point.

She saw his smile drop with her words. A part of her felt like she was blowing this whole thing out of proportion, but she just couldn't shake this feeling, the same feeling that had crushed her when he had left for four months with his ex-wife, the feeling that he would never be a permanent and stable part of her life, even if she wanted him to be.

"Why didn't you call?" she asked, watching as he took a step closer to her.

"Huh? What do you mean? I did call. Not 20 minutes ago. It went to voicemail," he answered, still oblivious to the real intent behind her question.

"No, I mean call _this week_. I know we, this... whatever we are is new, that we haven't defined what we are yet, so the logical part of me knows that l don't have a claim, that I shouldn't be as bothered as I was by it... " her voice trailed off. It struck him then just how much he had upset her by not calling.

"Hey, Kate, don't," he said shaking his head. He stood in silence, trying to form his thoughts. The truth was he hadn't called because he was uncertain of what to say. How to have a simple conversation with her when all he could think about telling her was just how _unbelievably_ good she made him feel. Despite how well their date had gone, there was always the fear of rejection with her, that she might push him away. But he knew that was no excuse. "We may be new, but our relationship, it's _real_, it's...powerful. And, you're right. It deserves better than me coming and going as I please and my poor communication." He closed his eyes with a sigh. "Even if I didn't call, I certainly thought about us. _A lot_," he said reaching out and grabbing her hands and giving them a squeeze for emphasis.

He swallowed hard, feeling his nerves kick in. He knew this wasn't the time to skirt the issue. He needed for her to know how serious he was about making a relationship between them work. "As hard as this may be for you to believe, I guess I'm a little intimidated by what's going on between us. I mean, I came back unsure if you'd even let me _work_ with you again, let alone take you out on a date. And I didn't expected that you'd share all those things with me about your mother's birthday. I felt so grateful that you would confide in me like that." He lowered his voice, a carefree smile finally gracing his lips as his fingertips danced with the damp ends of her hair. "And I _never _expected you'd let me hold you and kiss you like you did."

Kate felt her cheeks warming at the mention of his lips pressed against hers at the end of their date.

"I guess I'm a bit surprised at how you've let me in." He dropped his hands to her waist, pulling her closer. "But really, I have no excuse for my lack of communication other than that I'm an idiot sometimes. I'm sorry I didn't call. Truly."

"Well, I certainly didn't expect any of this either," she said smiling a little as she traced her fingers up his arms and around his neck. "And, to be fair, I guess _I_ could have called _you _too."

"This is also true. But you're very stubborn, so I wouldn't expect you to call first," Castle said tauntingly. Kate rolled her eyes, swatting at his shoulder with her palm. His face then turned serious. "I think the lesson here is that we _both_ need to work on our communication skills. Both verbal..." he paused leaning down to capture her lips with his for a brief second, "..._and_ non-verbal." He kissed her again, this time lingering until she broke away.

"Hmm, somehow I don't think non-verbal is a problem for us," she said, searching out his lips again.

"Well, as they say 'practice makes perfect'." He kissed her hungrily this time, tongue teasing her in a way that made her stomach burn with pleasure. She pressed into his grasp, feeling his hand lock behind her neck. As he ended the kiss, he allowed his fingers to roam along her exposed collar bone as she eyed the insulated sack sitting on the counter.

"So did we establish what ice cream flavor you selected?" she said slightly breathless from their impromptu kissing session. He loosened his grip on her waist, allowing her to turn towards the sack that contained the slightly melted treat.

"_Flavors_. Plural," he said correcting her playfully.

He grinned as she squinted at him curiously. She then opened the sack, laughter quickly filling his chest as she proceeded to remove half a dozen quarts of ice cream. "Rick! Why so many?"

"Why not?" He shrugged as if it was the most normal thing in the world to bring home six quarts of ice cream. "They're all so good, I couldn't decide on two or even three, so I decided on _all_. Dottie makes them fresh everyday and wait until you get a load of the names." He held each carton up as he recited the flavors. "Here we have "Straw-_Berry_ Nice to Meet You" made with the last of this season's fresh strawberries from her garden. Next is "Death by Dark Chocolate". Think Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookies in ice cream form-_ to die for_!" he exclaimed as Kate opened up the container and helped herself to a spoonful of the chocolatey decadence. She took a moment to savor the crisp mint and chocolate taste. He was right- to die for.

"And then we have my personal favorite, "Don't Spill the Vanilla Beans," made with real vanilla beans, nothing artificial here," he said already pulling off the top and stealing Kate's spoon to take a bite. He closed his eyes dramatically, swirling the melting sweetness in his mouth.

"Vanilla? That's your favorite? With all these others to choose from?" Kate said arching a brow in disbelief. "You don't seem like a vanilla-guy to me."

"Hey! Don't knock it 'til you try it, Detective. A good vanilla ice cream is like, the best comfort food in the world," he said defensively. "Kind of like me," he added with a wink.

"I'll hold out for the others," Kate said trying to sound unimpressed.

"Fine. More for me," he said replacing the top on the carton before moving onto the next flavor. "Next, is "Charlie Brownie Peanut-butter"! Fun, right?" he said beaming as he presented the carton to her ceremoniously. Kate forced herself to keep a straight face, but inside she was dying at just how endearing it was to see him so excited by the ice cream names.

His face turned to disappointment at her sober expression. "Oh come on! _Charlie Brown_? _Peanuts_? Charles Schulz? That's clever!"

Kate finally revealed a smile as she tasted the brownie-peanut butter concoction which, she had to admit, though extremely rich, was delicious. "Yea, I guess it's pretty clever."

"Humph. I bet you were one of those girls growing up who sided with Lucy, rooting for her to pull the football out from poor Charlie Brown every time he went to kick it," he said disapprovingly.

"Of course I was," Kate said licking the spoon of its peanut butter remnants as she talked. "Boys are just so _easy. _They put their blinders on, one track mind and all..._" _ she said noticing that his eyes were intently focused on her lips as she pulled the spoon from her mouth slowly.

"Huh?" he said blinking several times as if coming out of a trance.

"My point exactly," she said dryly. "What's up next?"

"Ah. That would be my second favorite: "The Devil's Food Cake Made Me Do It". It's by far Dottie's most popular flavor."

He dug a heaping spoonful out of the carton and guided it to her lips. Kate hesitated only a heartbeat, finding that the act of him feeding her actually felt very comfortable, and also very intimate. She took the spoon into her mouth and nearly moaned when the cocoa flavor hit her taste buds. "That is..." She paused, savoring the richness and unable to find words to describe it.

"Sinful," he finished for her, helping himself to a spoonful as he watched her reaction. "I bought an extra carton of that one. I had a feeling you'd like it."

After enjoying a few more spoonfuls, she helped him put the cartons in her freezer as they were almost half melted from his trip back into the city. She leaned against the refrigerator, watching as he proceeded to wipe down her now sticky counter top with a damp sponge and smiling at how surprisingly domestic he could be. As he finished his cleaning, she approached him from the side and wrapped her arms around his waist, hugging him closely. "Thank you for bringing me enough ice cream to last me until next summer."

"Oh, I seriously doubt it will last _that_ long. After all, I'll be back over here frequently to help you finish it off," he said turning so he could wrap his arms around her. "I'd give it through mid-October at the latest."

Kate laughed and squeezed him closer as they stood in comfortable silence. Castle sighed deeply, causing her to look up as he contemplated what he was about to say next. "I have something else for you," he said loosening his embrace. "It's a belated birthday present." He reached over to his jacket and pulled a card shaped envelope from the inner pocket.

"Castle..." Kate said cautiously.

"Just open it," he said quickly. "I promise, nothing is going to jump out or sing at you."

Kate eyed him suspiciously, picking up on the fact that he was nervous about what lay behind the envelope's seal by the way he was studying her face. Kate slid her finger under the edge slowly and removed a card that had one of Monet's Water Lilies on the front. She opened the card to read the printed words:

Happy Birthday!

We at the Museum of Modern Art are pleased to acknowledge that a donation

has been made to our_ "_I Heart Art" school program in the names of

Katherine and Johanna Beckett

in honor of your special day.

We thank you for your support and love of the arts.

He spoke as she reread the words, "If you'd prefer your names not be in the donation listing, I can always call the museum and tell them to take it off. " Her eyes fluttered to the handwritten cursive note below the typed font:

I always thought wishing someone just one day of

happiness out of the year seemed stingy.

Hoping that I can bring you a little bit of happiness everyday.

-RC

She stood motionless, rereading the card again, feeling a hot stinging in the back of her throat. Castle suddenly felt panicky, unable to read her reaction as anything other than shock. "I remembered you mentioning how your school didn't have the best art program growing up. And I thought it was a nice tribute to..." he stopped, unsure of how to continue. He watched her for what seemed like an eternity, feeling almost nauseous by the time she finally looked up at him. "I actually debated about including your mom's name at all, but it just seemed right..."

The next thing he felt was her hand on his cheek, her lips on his mouth, and his heart soaring.

"It is right," she said in between kisses. "_So right_."

"Right," he echoed back before finding her lips again and corralling her into the corner of the kitchen against the counter.

He spoke to her in a hushed tone, not willing to break contact with her skin for more than half a second. "So in the spirit of us communicating better," he began before dusting his lips against her cheek. "I need to tell you something."

"What?" she whispered into his mouth, breathing in the smell of cocoa and vanilla.

His hand found her cheek, angling her head up towards him. "I've been falling for you slowly for awhile now," he paused, closing his eyes as he pressed his lips to her hair. "But now it feels more like a free fall, totally out of my control at this point."

"Sounds dangerous," Kate said teasingly nipping at his lips with her teeth.

He smiled at her, his fingers flirting with the tie of her robe. "Well, I'll admit, at times it's been quite the turbulent descent. You're not always easy you know," he joked before placing a tender kiss to her neck, lips dancing down to her shoulder.

"Any...regrets?" she said, a slight hitch to her voice as he brought her skin between his lips gently.

He pulled his head up looking her dead in the eye. "None. Zero."

She smiled broadly, her voice warm against his skin. "Good. Cause I'm pretty sure I'm falling too."

* * *

**A/N: And so it ends. This was my *first* fanfic that I started way back last year so it feels kind of weird to be done with it after all this time. I know I've been slow at updating, so I sincerely thank each and every one of you for sticking with it. I hope you all enjoyed this fluffy ending as much as I do. **

**Now, go eat some ice cream! :P ~KB**


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